When People Suck - Anger and Action

When looking around on the web for what to do with anger, I found many glib articles that suggest cleaning your house or directing that energy to social change.  While this may be a useful way to discharge the feelings, distracting yourself does not actually address the how the feelings came to be or what to do when you're in a situation wherein you are constantly angered by your peers or boss.  Let me also say that distraction is a healthy and psychologically supported way to minimize the feelings.  My house looks immaculate when I'm angry because cleaning is a way I expel pent up anger.

So how do we react to people who constantly put us in positions that inspire anger?  For me, I was clear with my boundaries of time and workload.  My peers and boss culturally did not adhere to these boundaries and mayhem followed.  No discussions with human resources or with the peers/boss did anything to rectify this situation.  Fundamentally we have different beliefs on how to operate in the world.  What I had to piece apart was the fact that the culture I was in went against what I feel to be true regarding elements of self-care, safety, and ethical practices.  So you know I'm not grandstanding, the field I am speaking of has been identified as rife with abuse, trauma, and cult of personality: show business.  What's profound to me is that it took my education through my Ph.D. in clinical psychology to be able to identify and reject the norms of this field.  My colleagues were not so inclined.

I learned that no amount of house cleaning or time at the gym was going to help me manage this situation.  I had to quit or remove myself from the environment to move to another situation.  This choice is not foreign to many.  After discussions with bosses, peers, human resources, and other ethical offices at the toxic position, I knew that fighting this culture was beyond me and not worth my time and energy.  If you have not yet exhausted your resources at this position to ideally inspire change that works for you, hope exists that this job could work for you.  Before I threw in the towel to move on, I turned to research on stress and how that impacts people, ethical practices in our profession and the lack thereof, and other friends who held similar positions throughout the U.S. to compare notes.  This was not my first rodeo, it was my first thoroughly unpleasant and angering experience.  My relationships from all sectors in and outside of that job taught me that all places and jobs are not for all people.

When you can't change people's minds, walk away.  You don't belong there.  Find the people who celebrate you and admire or appreciate your contributions to the team.  I now work with people throughout the world who are excited about my work as a researcher and as a person who facilitates change.  Know your skill set and find your career home.  It's possible and so worth the effort!

Dr. Heather Corwin, Copyright 2019

Unplugging Increases Happiness

I'm so tired of witnessing the pointless arguing on Facebook about why someone's ideas or morals are better than another's.  Or conspiracy theories about why the world is the way it is.  To the best of my ability of late, I've stayed away from posting political posts.  I've also stayed away from much of Facebook because engaging that way with people doesn't make me happy.  There are many studies out at present that support the idea that if you stay off social media, you may not be as up on current events, but you will be happier.  I vote for a happier existence.

What can you do?  On your phone, remove social media platforms and messaging.  Try it for a week and note how you feel in doing so.  You might have a little anxiety about not being in as good of touch with people, but you might also feel relief at not having your core beliefs questioned- or reading statements from people you love who disappoint you in their point of views and unflinching judgements.  In truth, you might be complicit in judging as well (as I know I have been).  Why spend the brain power on interactions you can't change?  Research has demonstrated that changing someone's mind via social media is as likely as a comet hitting you on your commute to work this morning.

If you're feeling anxious and possible dread the state of the world, I encourage you to examine how you're receiving information.  Find ways to engage in the world that support your wellness.  Try unplugging.  See what that experiment does for your well-being.  Let us know what you think!!

Copyright 2019 Dr. Heather L. Corwin