To Cassandra... About Dying and Living

Dear Cassandra,

Elsa (left), Cassandra (middle), Anna (Right)

You can't read this, you're only 4.  But I wanted you to know that I have always felt fortunate in that I really love my life.  I've chosen some hard paths, but they were ones that I wanted and fought hard to stay on to live the life I imagine and dream for myself.  I hope you follow your heart and allow yourself to be happy.

I always wanted you.  Ever since I was a little girl, I had conversations with myself about what I would do with you and how well I would treat you when you came into my life.  That might sound funny to you because I'm sure you think of rules as unfair sometimes.  Still, I'm using every bit of knowledge and wisdom I can muster to be the best mom I know how to be because you're very important to me.

If there's one thing the I wish for you is that you could inherit my optimism.  Sometimes the sheer force of it is stunning, because I really have lived a charmed life that supports that optimism.  From your father, I hope you inherit his kindness (and his intelligence), but the kindness never ceases to baffle me- because your dad's heart is bigger than Jupiter and is so beautiful.

We all get hurt at times in our lives.  I know you will and I hope to be there to help you through.  I wish all hurts were as simple as you cutting your finger on the scissors when you weren't looking like the other night when my heart stopped, but that's not realistic.  And that scared me to death.  When your heart hurts, know that you can grieve.  Then take the time to feel into the wonderful things in your life.  Call your friends and spend time laughing and sitting quietly together sipping tea and just being.  Healing happens in the connections we make with people, even when much of grief occurs when others sever those connections.

Know that all of who I am is thilled that you are mine and I am yours.  I'm so happy that you chose me to be your mom!

All my love,
Mom

Copyright 2015 Dr. Heather Corwin