We were sent by the faculty to create the weekend retreats at the high school. We slept over in the gym and had small groups lead by students and faculty together. At the summer camp (called Illinois Teen Institure), we were given lectures on feelings, how to express feelings in a way that allowed others to hear the feelings more easily, and we also talked about things that were important to us.
Learning how to communicate big feelings around sensitive subjects is a gift that still serves me today. The simple form of communication they taught was, "when you do ________________, I feel _____________." Now, as a Ph.D. student in somatic psychology, I have learned more refined skills that help keep the focus on the behavior that riles me up, own my reaction, and options that could happen in the future to avoid me getting riled up. That might look something like, "Wow. I'm noticing that as we're talking about building the deck that I'm getting wound up because we're both putting in ideas, but I'm not feeling heard. I wonder if it would be alright if we stepped back for a minute and took a breath." Later, my husband and I decided that we are not to tackle outdoor jobs because he hates it, which makes him uncharacteristically irritable. Plus, he has mucho baggage from childhood about yard work and I get really crabby when I don't feel heard.
When you're getting riled up, I encourage you to look at what's really bothering you, name any behaviors (to yourself) that might be instigating your irritation, how you can ask those around you to help you make the situation exist in a way that makes you comfortable, and breathe. Then let your needs be known - and always own your part in the challenging situation. The element that's getting you miffed is always inside you. By embracing the fact that you're agitated, you can investigate the trigger in order to minimize the yucky feelings. Feelings make us humans; communication makes us happy.
Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin
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