Magical Powers

I am fascinated by the idea of magic.  I love the thought that I could conjure energy to open doors without moving or fly to transport myself without a plane.  But is there magic in the world?  I really think there is.

When I work with people through Rolfing or Somatic Psychology coaching, I partner with them to change both structurally in their body and mindfully.  I witness a spine lengthen, breath increase, and balance prevail.  The body mirrors the mind and vice versa.  So...that transformation is magical to me.

Another form of magic is the ability to help another perceive the gifts they bring to the world.  As an educator in my wellness practice and at the colleges where I teach, I witness students discover elements about themselves they may not have been aware of; these elements give these students courage to follow their dreams.  That's powerful and magical.

Remember that tingling feeling of your skin when something is just perfect in your life?  Or the buzzing in your belly when you know something is just RIGHT?  That's your own personal magic cheering you on!  Do you believe in magic?

Copyright 2012 Heather Corwin

Not Just a New Year's Resolution

It's the time of year when many people are baffled that the holidays are over and that there are no more parties with great food and drink to attend.  Some feel relief at knowing there are no more surprise gifts needed (for those who do gifts).  Some are thrilled that the travel and niggling discomfort at sleeping in another's bed, no matter how lovely, is OVER.  Many will be pondering if the resolutions thought about will ever come to pass.

Well, I stayed home with my family this holiday season and we had no visitors from afar.  Sickness plagued our house, so that validated the decision.  During the care-taking of others, I had plenty of time to think about what I would like to experience in the new year.  I'm not necessarily a "resolution" girl, I just like to take the time to review what's happened, what I'd like to happen, and how to make things happen in my life.

Here's what I came up with:
1.  More time with friends
2.  Dating my husband
3.  Me time
4.  Family time

Memories inspire me and make me happy - and making them is a joy!  Thankfully, I have great people in my life to make memories with.  Now I just have to see them to do so!

What are the happenings you'd like to create this year?

Copyright 2012 Heather Corwin

Fruit of your Labor

Today as I was picking the oranges and tangelos and Meyer lemons from my back yard to share with my clients and friends, I started to think about all the fruit that might not get picked off the trees just because I don't have time.  What happens to fruit that stays on the tree?

Well, I'm no arborist.  However, I have some ideas what I think happens to the fruit that doesn't get harvested.  The fruit either falls off and rots on the ground waiting for me to dispose of them, a squirrel feels lucky to have a great meal, or it dries up and stays on the tree far longer than it should.  I started to think how that might apply to my life.  What happens to the unrealized opportunities in my life?  Do they get taken by others?  Dry up and rot?  Or do the fruits get composted to turn into another version of opportunity for me?

The interesting aspect to this pondering for me is the fact that the lens I choose to use determines how I am affected.  For example, if I go with the idea that the fruit I eat is the perfect fruit for me and the others all go to good and appropriate ends makes me feel like all is right in the world.  This idea feels right to me.  I also like the idea that the fruit all returns to the earth in some way thereby feeding the earth and it's inhabitants in the circle of life.  Maybe a little airy fairy thinking, but I like that idea too.

What I'm NOT going to focus on is the stuff I can't control: the idea that the fruit left on the tree is all missed opportunities.  That's just plain foolish.  I'm lucky to have these fruits in my backyard at the ready for juicing and enjoying.  That's just what I'm going to do with them - enjoy the fruits!  I think I started off the New Year in this celebration: mimosas with fresh orange juice that I squeezed myself.  Sigh.  Life is good.  Let the fruits of your life be plentiful and overflowing!

Copyright 2012 Heather Corwin

My Thoughts for the Year

Wow.  It's been the hardest year of my life and I can safely say I'm glad it's over.   I did too much and was not able to find the simple joys as often as I like.  Teaching too much, finding my footing as a new mom, taking the gargantuan and terrifying statistics classes in my Ph.D. classes (that I thankfully passed - a C is failing), and running my private wellness studio all added up to very little time to rejuvenate and enjoy life.  I'm NOT going to do that to myself again EVER.

How am I avoiding over-committing this year?  I've backed off of one teaching engagement so I'll only be teaching at PCC this coming semester, 2 classes.  I'll be taking more normal courses for my Ph.D. that should be challenging in a way I enjoy.  I am going to re-dedicate myself to my yoga practice and GO TO a class weekly to remind my body of the joys of motion.  I'll be seeing more clients in my BodybyHeather practice in my new studio because I'll have more time (without loosing my personal time).  And my husband and I are making a date night at least once a week.

I have much to look forward to this year.  Most of what I'm looking forward to is exercising my ability to choose how my life happens.  Thankfully, I'm really clear on the things that make me happy and how I can incorporate them back into my life.  Now, I just need to do it.

No better time than the present!  I'm off to read a book.  Happy New Year!

Copyright 2012 Heather Corwin

Take Time to Connect

As artistic people, we need to take time- especially in an urban environment- to connect to other people in a meaningful and supportive way.  One simple way that we often overlook is resting WITH someone else.  The truth is, as animals we sleep more soundly knowing that someone is looking over or out for us.  So why not rest in a pack every now and then?

By resting with others, we give our over-stimulated nervous systems a chance to regulate and synch with others at a time when we're all calm.  When's the last time you felt truly calm with another?  What a cozy feeling!  If you're able to, choose a place that makes you all or both feel safe and good like the people in the image above lying on the deck by the water with a fuzzy friend keeping watch.  You might choose in front of a warming fire or on an inviting couch.

Even taking 10 minutes a day to rest with someone else can make a calming difference in your life.  Give it a try.  Isn't it a lovely thought to know that you can bring more joy into your life?

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

Too Much On Your Plate?

I was having lunch today with a friend when I realized my life is so full it's over-flowing.  Most of the time I'm really proud that I'm managing to do all the things I am: Ph.D. student, new mom, new wife, private wellness practice (that's successful), teaching at 2 universities... and those are the main highlights.  But when is enough enough?

Doing this much means that I have created self-imposed anxiety.  That translates to lower tolerance for adapting to situations.  For example, going to out to eat with a friend and bringing my daughter is not so easy.  I have to factor in when she's going to eat, when she's going to get her nap, what she's acting like today, hope that I'm hungry but not starving by the time we eat, and hope she likes where we are.  Then I get to worry about if we're irritating the other patrons if she behaves like a baby and cries at all.  Sigh.  Going out makes me anxious instead of happy. 

Even if I wasn't doing all the things I'm doing, I do wonder if going out with my little girl would cause me as much anxiety.  I'm an introvert, after all.  But I know stress is taking its toll on my jolly attitude.  I'm not saying you have to be a parent to understand pressure, I'm wondering if it's just the one more thing that's gotten me close to my tolerance point.  Sigh.  I'm trying to get to the "I don't care, it's just life" attitude...but I do care.  When I do something, I like to enjoy it. Makes sense, right? 

Man.  Life can give challenges!  So I plan on being strategic and practice adaptability.  Plus, I need to get better at asking for help when I need it.  Phew.  If this resonates with you, please know you're not alone!

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

Find Your Edge

Practicing.  It's something you have to do to perfect anything.  Walking (at first), running, speaking, communicating, - everything.  So why are we so hard on ourselves when we don't get it right?  Why do we continually compare our progress with others instead of our own journey?  Oh, those loud judges in our minds keep us on our toes, don't they?

Today, for the first time since having my little girl, I was able to do some stretching that didn't hurt.  I was able to breathe, work out some kinks, and make my little girl giggle as I contorted into much needed stretches.  And I started thinking about how I could be mad at myself for not being in great shape after having a baby.  But then I remembered the great point my client made yesterday, "You listened to your body when you were pregnant.  You were gestating - and you're not 20.  You were doing your job."

I didn't come to that conclusion on my own.  However, what I take away from that is the truth that by listening to my body, I can decide to grow whatever it needs.  Now I can grow my flexibility and ease after a hiatus of growing a life.  That not only feels great framed that way, it is true.

Sometimes we move away from things that make us feel good for a reason.  We can either move toward something else that makes us feel good or we can beat ourselves up about it.  Eh.  I vote for move toward the good feeling stuff!!!  Life is too short.  It's all about PRACTICE anyway, not perfection!

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

Solitude

Sometimes it's just great to get away and breathe.  Living in an urban center makes that possibility remote and difficult - because there are usually people trying to be alone at the same time you are in the same places.  So what do you do to get to the quiet places filled with solitude?

In truth, I try to skip the country once every few years and make sure to hit a countryside.  When I'm really lucky, I'm able to go to Northern California with my husband - Trinidad.  It's quiet and reminds me of the coast of Scotland with it's jagged rocky shore and cool mists that ease the soul.  Plus, we have a special place there where he proposed to me - Fern Canyon.  It's amazing with the walls of ferns and herds of elk that stroll through the beachfront.  Just lovely. 

If I can't get to any of these places, I find refuge in a book.  Okay, I admit I'm a huge romance novel fan because, frankly, I enjoy the formula.  I like having a certain expectation of happiness in some of my reading.  The academic books will always be there, but that reading is not my refuge. 

Some of my favorite writers: Nora Roberts, Paulo Coehlo, Jude Devereaux, Jodi Picoult, Shakespeare, Clifford Odets, and Dan Siegel.

Who do you curl up to?  Man, I love that we are all blessed with imagination!  How do you use yours the most?  Happy resting!!!

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

Planting a Garden When It's HOT

I'm not a native Californian like my husband and daughter, I'm from the hard-working city of Chicago.  Life is very different here.  Here I can plant and play with plants all year round!  Now, Chicago is in the great planes and has wonderful soil for farming, but only in seasons when you don't freeze your eyeballs off.  In California, this introvert can enjoy warm breezes all year round.

So I started thinking about why I like to tend to my garden.  When I was little, my mother loved roses - but wasn't very good at keeping them.  She also loved to plant herbs.  I didn't always love helping her, but now I can't stay out of my garden!  This love had to come from somewhere.  Spending quality time alone thinking while my hands are busy making beauty is important to me.  I think that's another reason I love the healing arts (Rolfing and maternity massage).

I think of walking, gardening, playing cards, and intimate moments with my husband are the activities that help my mind stop reeling and get me back into the moment.  The latter is my favorite by far.  However, he's not always available.  Slow your world down and enjoy your garden.  Today is a great day to practice - strike now while it's HOT!

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

Just Say Sorry

Sometimes I screw up.  I know!  Hard to believe, huh?  You would think the hardest thing to do when that happens is accept the embarrassment or regret or whatever bad feeling erupts and move on.  Oh, no, I say it's apologizing if I did another person wrong.

Like most people, I don't like to make another person feel bad.  I know (usually) when I do make someone else feel bad, as an offended or taken aback face is not difficult to spot.  What can be challenging is the simple act of saying.  "Wow.  I really screwed up.  I'm sorry I did that.  I'm even more sorry I made you feel bad."

I did not used to excel at apologizing.  Over time, I've practiced and gotten really good at it.  I'm also good at not taking the blame when it's not mine to take.  Sometimes the blame game hinges on point of view, but that may be a topic for another reflection. 

All in all, I can say without a doubt that apologizing -- when I feel bad and another person feels bad -- makes me feel better immediately. Plus, we both feel relief that the conflict is over.  When I apolized to a friend today, she told me I'm good at saying I'm sorry.  That felt good to hear.  Why?  Who wants to be sorry when there's so much joy to be had in the world!

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

What I May Never Tell My Daughter

Parenting is tough.  Most of us do what our parents did because they are our only role model of how to parent.  But what I grapple with is how to recognize the signs of what's happening in the room.  To be honest, I learn how to have fun and interact with my daughter the best from other people.  Yesterday, I was witness to a friend showing her the simplest things, talking to her in a secretive low voice, and her delight was palpable.  I forgot how to play with her - and he reminded me.

Which makes me think of how I treat all the people I love most in this world.  Sometimes I get stuck in a rut and I want to "get it right."  Well, that's not only un-fun, it's impossible.  People make mistakes.  All the time.  All. The. Time.  What makes us good people is how we recover from those mistakes with our loved ones.  There are times when I just mess up.  You too?

Well, what I don't want to tell my daughter is I will mess it up much of the time.  I will do the best I can, and sometimes that won't feel like enough.  A little part of me quivers and feels deep sadness that I won't always be the great mom I strive to be - because I am not made of magic.  I'm not a mind-reader.  This tendency for perfection is also known as magical thinking.  I wish to God I was made of magic!  When I hear her cry I eagerly want to soothe her soul and make her smile.  But...  that's not the part of learning that I can do with her. 

Learning is frustrating.  It can sometimes suck.  But when she succeeds in her quest and overcomes things like not being able to put herself to sleep, and now she can, she gains confidence in her abilities and I can cheer her on from the sidelines.  It's hard, but that's my job.  And that's my life now.  Oh, how things change! 

I love you little love!  That I will be sure to tell her every step of the way.

Copywright 2011 Heather Corwin

Sweet Dreams

When you were little, did you dream about becoming something big?  Something you knew people would love you for and you would rule the world?  Well, my friend, you are not alone!  But when do these dreams get derailed?

Are you in a job you want?  Do you hear all the time, "be grateful you have a job!" or "in this economy, you should...(whatever)."  Well, I'm here to tell you that small thinking will not make your heart happy.  If you are not enjoying your life, YOU need to change it.  You don't have to quit your job today and start hunting for another job - you can create a plan and move forward through steps to make that plan come to life - your life!

Change is often stressful, even when it's the change we crave.  To minimize the stress, the steps you devise can aid your transformation into the life you choose.  Don't let life pass you by thinking, "wow, I wish I would have done that" or "jeez, I always wanted to ....  but just never thought I could."  You CAN. 

Do it!  Do it NOW while you still can!

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

Looks Can Be Deceiving

There are times when I look at a part of my life or a piece of my life and how it's working and it looks to me like it's dead...so I want to chuck it - throw it away and make room for more...whatever.  Just the other day, I was about to toss what looked to be a dead plant into the compost; I forgot.  Today I walk out to my garden and that very plant is sprouting and has it's first bloom on it.  I didn't know it was a perennial!

Which got me to thinking that I might be quick to throw things out if they don't seem to be working.  Now sometimes things just need to be thrown out, re-gifted, or donated to the local charity - and sometimes that's the best choice.  I'm not talking about those times.  I'm talking about the times that I have no patience to learn the lesson of the dormant plant.  What's the living truth inside the seemingly ugly exterior?

Am I being too metaphorical?  Perhaps.  But in every day's lessons lives the beauty and splendor of life.  I have to take it where I can get it! 

Where are your life's ugly truths that make your life an unexpected treasure?

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin, photo credit: Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

Asking for HELP

There are times in your life when you can't do it all - even if you wanted to!  Asking for help can be a challenge, but a lesson that all who are wise need to embrace.  It takes a village, right?  I'm also including all of us who are people, not just parents, not just children...people.

When I was growing up I loved when a person I loved recognized I needed help without my asking for it.  The offer of help was such a relief!  As an adult, the offers are more rare - especially because I WANT to be able to do it all and others sense this in me so they don't offer.  I still cry with relief when my husband sees I'm at my wits end and need some help - and he offers silently and without judgement.

However, no one can read my mind.  It's up to me to speak my needs and tell others when I need help.  I was pleasantly surprised at the positive responses I received from family and friends who came to my rescue...because I asked and I received!

When is the last time you asked for what you needed?  You just might get it!

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

How Do You Connect With Family Who Lives Far Away?

In this day and age of computers, we have many more options than snail mail to connect with others.  The communication can take all sorts of forms, depending mostly on the computer savvy of the people interested in communicating with each other.

Skype.  You and family or friends can set up a free account with Skype that allows free international phone calls along with the capapbility to use a webcam so you can see each other as you talk.  This is especially fun with new babies who can't talk - but family can see the little cherub!

Flip Camera. This little handy camera is this generation's version of the home movie camera.  It's great for short movies or little one-sided excerpts from life that you can share through YouTube.  Very fun!

Email.  Not as personal and possibly not as exciting as receiving snail mail, but fast and convenient!  This is the most popular form of contemporary communication - perhaps even beating out texting (which many family members don't enjoy) as well as the telephone!

If you have a way you like to communicate with your family that isn't listed, feel free to add your suggestions!  The world gets smaller every day and keeping in touch with loved ones makes everyone's world a better place.

 Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Nothing Sweeter than a Smile

I was blown away by the power of another person seeing me and, as a result, that person's face lit up like I was her first Christmas tree!  I don't think there's a better feeling in the world than the transformation I witness in another: exuberance at my entrance!  (This isn't just about my little girl giggling and wriggling at my appearance, it also happens with good friends.)

I'm human.  I want people to like me.  When people I like really like me too, that feels GREAT.  I've learned over the years that I have to wait to decide if I want a person to be a friend.  Sadly, I've experienced rejection if I seem too enthusiastic about a person before they have decided they like me.  Don't you remember those "friends" who jilted you in grade school?  Well, sometimes it still happens as adults, but we learn to bury the feelings faster and more efficiently.

Well, today I want you to remember that you can deeply effect someone's day.  Remember what a smile can do for someone else.  You don't have to jump up and down when you see her or break into giggles, but a little grin can give you both joy that keeps you both smiling throughout the day!

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

Finding Time to Do What You Love

So often the end of the day is here and I think to myself, "Where did the day go?"  Well, that's not ideal for me.  I like to feel I've accomplished something, if even a small goal for the day.  But is the problem a matter of time, priorities, or support from others to meet my needs?

You know I'm a new mom, so having time for me just became more precious than ever.  As an introvert, I recharge by spending time alone.  Granted, that time will look different now, but it's still time I need to feel good.  So I started to think about the time I am actually alone in the day.  These times tend to be in the bathroom.

What I'm finding myself doing in my daily morning shower is a ritual.  I look out my window at my garden, take restful and cleansing breaths, and list the things I'm thankful for in my life.  After those brief moments, I think of a goal I want to set for my day.  It might even be as simple as to make a chai tea and sit for 5 minutes alone.  I might add something like I want to make my husband and little girl smile at least 5 times today.  This is a great beginning to reclaiming time for me.  As time goes on and I get better at being a mom, I feel confident more time will come for me.

No matter how full my life is, I need to find the time and energy to rejuvenate.  As I recreate my life as the mother in a family AND being the me prior to being a mom, I need to bring with me the elements of my life that are most important. 

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

Letter to My Daughter about Dating

Dear Sweet Girl,

Here are some things to consider when you start dating.

• When you decide to commit yourself to a man (if men are your preference), make sure he makes you laugh.  If he doesn't, kick him to the curb.
• When you decide to date, make sure you get butterflies inside.  If you still have the butterflies on the third date, keep dating him.
• If he does not kiss well, and you really like him, teach him how to kiss you. 
• If he doesn't make you feel special, dump him.
• Know that there are several ways to say "I Love You."  You might like flowers, he might like to fix your car.  Both can mean "I Love You."  Make sure you find the guy who speaks your love language!
• When you enter the room, if his eyes don't look for you, you may have reason to wonder about staying in the relationship.
• If he doesn't make you feel beautiful, dump him.
• If he looks at other women with lust in your presence, dump him.  (This may have to wait until you're in your thirties...)
• If your pulse rate doesn't speed up when he's around, question why you're in the relationship.
• If you feel defensive around him more than 5% of the time, dump him.
• If you don't like his family and you are considering being with him for the long haul, know that you're choosing a long hard battle that you won't win.
• If you're thinking of cheating on him - dump him.  I don't care how long you've been together - end the first relationship before you start another.  Even if it's hard, DO IT.  Not ending the first relationship will make the second never work - and all will feel terrible.

And finally,
Know that you are the most precious person in the world.  If the person you love does not awaken in you and recognize the best parts of you, walk away.  You deserve someone who celebrates you for the amazing person you are.

Love,
Mom

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

Love is...

There are so many types of love!  That's the great news about life.  We can love our family, our friends, our animals, our careers and more.  Valentine's Day can sometimes push many buttons when it comes to love because it tends to force us to focus on ideal romantic love.  While romance is a fun element to enjoy in life, it is not the end all be all of living.

If you are one of the people who like to wear black on this day, I encourage you to focus on the other parts of love in your life that make you smile.  You don't have to get anyone roses, chocolates, or take them out to dinner!  You can just send them a little email or call to leave an "I love you" message.  That could help make their day as well.

Today, I dedicate to my 2 month old daughter (today!)  She is sleeping on my chest as I write this, snoring - wrapped in a pink blanket.  I'm beginning to understand a new way to love through my relationship with her.  In this relationship, I'm learning to negotiate needs, wants, and re-prioritize.

If you're having a glum day, remember that love is all around us.  No one can tell you what that means, how you should act about it, and how to relegate love.  Embrace your passions!!  You are enough.

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

When to Take a Break From Working

How do you know if you're burnt out?  How do you know if you've had it with your job?  How do you know if you just need a vacation OR if you need to investigate another career?

Some great questions to ask yourself include:

1. Do I love telling people about what I do?  
2. Am I excited to go to work every day?
3. Do I feel a sense of accomplishment in my job?
4. Does the idea of not doing my job anymore give me great relief?

 If you answered "no" to 2 of these four questions, you might consider the idea that you are not enjoying your chosen profession and it might be time for a change.  In this job market, changing jobs is not ideal, but you have to be happy.  Most people make sure they have another job lined up prior to leaving the job they're in to avoid any unnecessary anxiety created in the job transition.

A qualifying question you might ponder that often helps this decision is: do you feel you're defined by your job?  If so, you might be rolling up too much personal identity in your work.  That can be dangerous.  Why?  Because self-esteem that hinges upon performance rather than a variety of sources will make you completly reliable on always working - and you will be devestated if ever you are let go from your workplace.  Finding joy in other activities and connecting with people will be the best way to move toward a more balanced and happy life.

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin