Sunday, January 27, 2013

Relationships are Compromise

Since we were born, our existence depended on the ability of our parents to help us eat when we were hungry, change us when we were wet, and nurture us when we needed love.  Well, all those demands were on our little infant schedule and may not have always been convenient for the parents.  Enter compromise.

It's not just the familial relationships that will test your adaptation and negotiation skills, though they are the core of your ability to do so.  Every single relationship, if it is going to have any chance of success, will require you to compromise.  Ideally, the sacrifices you make will make the relationship more satisfying and enjoyable.  Sometimes that's just not how it works.

For example, my husband did not enjoy taking care of our little girl as an infant.  She had many needs and babies don't compromise.   She didn't have words.  She cried often.  She liked motion and singing so whoever was caring for her often needed to pace the house (sitting/rocking wasn't enough) and sing, which she loved.  That's work, my friends.  Now, at the demanding age of 2, our little girl is learning to compromise.  I think this is the foundation of the terrible twos: no one WANTS to compromise. 

For the first time since my daughter was born, my husband and little girl are gone for the weekend and I am alone in my quiet house left to my own devices.  I marvel at the vast amount of time I have to fix little things around the house (clean the air filters including the fan in the bathroom, fix the leaky hoses outside, etc.).  I've also had time to watch some much loved television, a decadent delight!  AND go to stores to price out some items we're hoping to replace in the upcoming months.  I feel I've lived a month in two days.  Seriously.

Which brings me to my point.  Before I was married and a mom, I had copious amounts of time to do whatever I wanted.  Some of that time was spent fantasizing about the love I would enjoy in my own marriage/family.  Now that I am enjoying a loving husband and spunky child, there are times that I just want to be alone to revel in my introverted and singular ways.  Now that I've found this gem of time, there's no going back.  Our familial solution is to have each adult take one weekend off a quarter to travel and rest elsewhere.  We're working on a semi-annual get-a-way for the married couple to have at least ONE night together alone on an overnight  hotel stay.  We already practice a weekly date night, which I highly recommend.

At the core of why we choose to be in relationships is the fact that we genuinely LIKE the people we spend time with.  My husband makes me laugh, and I want to remember that joy the next time I have to compromise.