Thursday, July 28, 2011

Just Say Sorry

Sometimes I screw up.  I know!  Hard to believe, huh?  You would think the hardest thing to do when that happens is accept the embarrassment or regret or whatever bad feeling erupts and move on.  Oh, no, I say it's apologizing if I did another person wrong.

Like most people, I don't like to make another person feel bad.  I know (usually) when I do make someone else feel bad, as an offended or taken aback face is not difficult to spot.  What can be challenging is the simple act of saying.  "Wow.  I really screwed up.  I'm sorry I did that.  I'm even more sorry I made you feel bad."

I did not used to excel at apologizing.  Over time, I've practiced and gotten really good at it.  I'm also good at not taking the blame when it's not mine to take.  Sometimes the blame game hinges on point of view, but that may be a topic for another reflection. 

All in all, I can say without a doubt that apologizing -- when I feel bad and another person feels bad -- makes me feel better immediately. Plus, we both feel relief that the conflict is over.  When I apolized to a friend today, she told me I'm good at saying I'm sorry.  That felt good to hear.  Why?  Who wants to be sorry when there's so much joy to be had in the world!

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

Wednesday, July 27, 2011


Well, it can consume us.  And not always for reasons that seem reasonable.  For example, sometimes we feel guilty (or are made to feel guilty) if we do not anticipate the needs of another.  In truth, the other person is responsible for getting her own needs met, which means she needs to speak her needs to have those needs be acknowledged and, ideally, met.  Nobody can read minds.

So why does guilt come into the picture?  Sometimes I honestly believe of myself that I should be able to read minds.  As if that were possible!  That's what's known as "magical thinking."  Circumstances are always going to be evolving and changing in life which also means all situations will be different, even if those situations have similar events involved.  Why is that important?  Because every moment is a new moment and can have new outcomes.

I don't have to beat myself up for not being omniscient.  Puh-lease!  What I do have to do is be gentle with myself and do the best I can in any situation.  I tend to dwell on things that I can't change and feel guilty about some of those things.  An example is I want a vacation to Italy, which also makes me feel guilty for wanting to take a break from my great life.  I'm not even going to do this vacation - but the very act of thinking about it makes me feel guilty.  Stupid, huh?

Well, guilt be GONE!  I'm going to enjoy my imagination, my wants, my desires, and know that I won't get all of them.  I will also work on being gentle with myself when it comes to magical thinking.  This trap is a tough one for me and one that I continually work on.  Most of all, I will use my sense of humor as often as possible to not make moments monumentally important that don't need to be.  Sigh.  One day at a time!!!

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Sit Up and Take Notice

As I was walking with my little girl this morning, I noticed how she was taking in the world.  For the first time since we've been walking, she sat up in the stroller as we walked.  Now, some of the reason is because we just graduated to a bigger and more supportive stroller, but I attribute most of her sitting up to her curiosity about the world around her, much like the little girl in the photo to the right.

So often we walk through the world and don't take in the simple things around us like the birds chirping, the wind on our face, the smell of the fresh morning...  As your summer comes to a broil, I invite you to take in the wonderful sensations around you.  I don't know what your favorite things are, but mine are the crispness of L.A. mornings (ah, the desert!), hot chai tea warming my belly, my husband's embrace, and my little girl's giggle.

As life evolves, your favorite things list may grow or change.  That's life.  Take notice and see what your favorite things are today that may be different from about 5 years ago.  What has stayed on your "favorite things" list?  Revel in the fact that you're a more evolved you than before - and you're still YOU.

Happy Sunday!

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin