When People Suck - Anger and Action

When looking around on the web for what to do with anger, I found many glib articles that suggest cleaning your house or directing that energy to social change.  While this may be a useful way to discharge the feelings, distracting yourself does not actually address the how the feelings came to be or what to do when you're in a situation wherein you are constantly angered by your peers or boss.  Let me also say that distraction is a healthy and psychologically supported way to minimize the feelings.  My house looks immaculate when I'm angry because cleaning is a way I expel pent up anger.

So how do we react to people who constantly put us in positions that inspire anger?  For me, I was clear with my boundaries of time and workload.  My peers and boss culturally did not adhere to these boundaries and mayhem followed.  No discussions with human resources or with the peers/boss did anything to rectify this situation.  Fundamentally we have different beliefs on how to operate in the world.  What I had to piece apart was the fact that the culture I was in went against what I feel to be true regarding elements of self-care, safety, and ethical practices.  So you know I'm not grandstanding, the field I am speaking of has been identified as rife with abuse, trauma, and cult of personality: show business.  What's profound to me is that it took my education through my Ph.D. in clinical psychology to be able to identify and reject the norms of this field.  My colleagues were not so inclined.

I learned that no amount of house cleaning or time at the gym was going to help me manage this situation.  I had to quit or remove myself from the environment to move to another situation.  This choice is not foreign to many.  After discussions with bosses, peers, human resources, and other ethical offices at the toxic position, I knew that fighting this culture was beyond me and not worth my time and energy.  If you have not yet exhausted your resources at this position to ideally inspire change that works for you, hope exists that this job could work for you.  Before I threw in the towel to move on, I turned to research on stress and how that impacts people, ethical practices in our profession and the lack thereof, and other friends who held similar positions throughout the U.S. to compare notes.  This was not my first rodeo, it was my first thoroughly unpleasant and angering experience.  My relationships from all sectors in and outside of that job taught me that all places and jobs are not for all people.

When you can't change people's minds, walk away.  You don't belong there.  Find the people who celebrate you and admire or appreciate your contributions to the team.  I now work with people throughout the world who are excited about my work as a researcher and as a person who facilitates change.  Know your skill set and find your career home.  It's possible and so worth the effort!

Dr. Heather Corwin, Copyright 2019