What I May Never Tell My Daughter

Parenting is tough.  Most of us do what our parents did because they are our only role model of how to parent.  But what I grapple with is how to recognize the signs of what's happening in the room.  To be honest, I learn how to have fun and interact with my daughter the best from other people.  Yesterday, I was witness to a friend showing her the simplest things, talking to her in a secretive low voice, and her delight was palpable.  I forgot how to play with her - and he reminded me.

Which makes me think of how I treat all the people I love most in this world.  Sometimes I get stuck in a rut and I want to "get it right."  Well, that's not only un-fun, it's impossible.  People make mistakes.  All the time.  All. The. Time.  What makes us good people is how we recover from those mistakes with our loved ones.  There are times when I just mess up.  You too?

Well, what I don't want to tell my daughter is I will mess it up much of the time.  I will do the best I can, and sometimes that won't feel like enough.  A little part of me quivers and feels deep sadness that I won't always be the great mom I strive to be - because I am not made of magic.  I'm not a mind-reader.  This tendency for perfection is also known as magical thinking.  I wish to God I was made of magic!  When I hear her cry I eagerly want to soothe her soul and make her smile.  But...  that's not the part of learning that I can do with her. 

Learning is frustrating.  It can sometimes suck.  But when she succeeds in her quest and overcomes things like not being able to put herself to sleep, and now she can, she gains confidence in her abilities and I can cheer her on from the sidelines.  It's hard, but that's my job.  And that's my life now.  Oh, how things change! 

I love you little love!  That I will be sure to tell her every step of the way.

Copywright 2011 Heather Corwin