Aching Want

I've been reflecting on why I have not been writing as much this year in my blog.  It comes down to this: I have aching wants.  Sharing about how much I want something makes me feel vulnerable.  Then I thought, "well, doesn't everyone have aching wants?"

Yes.

The past few years have been a series of challenges including becoming a mother, finishing Ph.D. coursework and beginning my dissertation, and looking for a university that I want to work with and hang my hat as my educational home.

The last is the most cutting aching want for me because the place I have hoped to work has an opening this year for which I've applied.  My colleagues there are kind (I already know them), smart, and have a deep commitment to God.  I find that kind of shared faith inspiring and welcoming rather than stifling and limiting - a rare gem in a faith based school.

As the year ends, it is usually a time for refection on what we have and future goals.  Sometimes knowing the goals does not soothe, but at least you know if you're going in the right direction.  This year, I'm going to know what I want AND be willing to give some of the not knowing anxiety to God (or Godess, or whatever you name the universal force).  I've been working hard and I need to relent a bit.  How about you?

Copyright 2012 Heather Corwin