Find Your Edge

Practicing.  It's something you have to do to perfect anything.  Walking (at first), running, speaking, communicating, - everything.  So why are we so hard on ourselves when we don't get it right?  Why do we continually compare our progress with others instead of our own journey?  Oh, those loud judges in our minds keep us on our toes, don't they?

Today, for the first time since having my little girl, I was able to do some stretching that didn't hurt.  I was able to breathe, work out some kinks, and make my little girl giggle as I contorted into much needed stretches.  And I started thinking about how I could be mad at myself for not being in great shape after having a baby.  But then I remembered the great point my client made yesterday, "You listened to your body when you were pregnant.  You were gestating - and you're not 20.  You were doing your job."

I didn't come to that conclusion on my own.  However, what I take away from that is the truth that by listening to my body, I can decide to grow whatever it needs.  Now I can grow my flexibility and ease after a hiatus of growing a life.  That not only feels great framed that way, it is true.

Sometimes we move away from things that make us feel good for a reason.  We can either move toward something else that makes us feel good or we can beat ourselves up about it.  Eh.  I vote for move toward the good feeling stuff!!!  Life is too short.  It's all about PRACTICE anyway, not perfection!

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

Solitude

Sometimes it's just great to get away and breathe.  Living in an urban center makes that possibility remote and difficult - because there are usually people trying to be alone at the same time you are in the same places.  So what do you do to get to the quiet places filled with solitude?

In truth, I try to skip the country once every few years and make sure to hit a countryside.  When I'm really lucky, I'm able to go to Northern California with my husband - Trinidad.  It's quiet and reminds me of the coast of Scotland with it's jagged rocky shore and cool mists that ease the soul.  Plus, we have a special place there where he proposed to me - Fern Canyon.  It's amazing with the walls of ferns and herds of elk that stroll through the beachfront.  Just lovely. 

If I can't get to any of these places, I find refuge in a book.  Okay, I admit I'm a huge romance novel fan because, frankly, I enjoy the formula.  I like having a certain expectation of happiness in some of my reading.  The academic books will always be there, but that reading is not my refuge. 

Some of my favorite writers: Nora Roberts, Paulo Coehlo, Jude Devereaux, Jodi Picoult, Shakespeare, Clifford Odets, and Dan Siegel.

Who do you curl up to?  Man, I love that we are all blessed with imagination!  How do you use yours the most?  Happy resting!!!

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

Planting a Garden When It's HOT

I'm not a native Californian like my husband and daughter, I'm from the hard-working city of Chicago.  Life is very different here.  Here I can plant and play with plants all year round!  Now, Chicago is in the great planes and has wonderful soil for farming, but only in seasons when you don't freeze your eyeballs off.  In California, this introvert can enjoy warm breezes all year round.

So I started thinking about why I like to tend to my garden.  When I was little, my mother loved roses - but wasn't very good at keeping them.  She also loved to plant herbs.  I didn't always love helping her, but now I can't stay out of my garden!  This love had to come from somewhere.  Spending quality time alone thinking while my hands are busy making beauty is important to me.  I think that's another reason I love the healing arts (Rolfing and maternity massage).

I think of walking, gardening, playing cards, and intimate moments with my husband are the activities that help my mind stop reeling and get me back into the moment.  The latter is my favorite by far.  However, he's not always available.  Slow your world down and enjoy your garden.  Today is a great day to practice - strike now while it's HOT!

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

Just Say Sorry

Sometimes I screw up.  I know!  Hard to believe, huh?  You would think the hardest thing to do when that happens is accept the embarrassment or regret or whatever bad feeling erupts and move on.  Oh, no, I say it's apologizing if I did another person wrong.

Like most people, I don't like to make another person feel bad.  I know (usually) when I do make someone else feel bad, as an offended or taken aback face is not difficult to spot.  What can be challenging is the simple act of saying.  "Wow.  I really screwed up.  I'm sorry I did that.  I'm even more sorry I made you feel bad."

I did not used to excel at apologizing.  Over time, I've practiced and gotten really good at it.  I'm also good at not taking the blame when it's not mine to take.  Sometimes the blame game hinges on point of view, but that may be a topic for another reflection. 

All in all, I can say without a doubt that apologizing -- when I feel bad and another person feels bad -- makes me feel better immediately. Plus, we both feel relief that the conflict is over.  When I apolized to a friend today, she told me I'm good at saying I'm sorry.  That felt good to hear.  Why?  Who wants to be sorry when there's so much joy to be had in the world!

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

Guilt...

Well, it can consume us.  And not always for reasons that seem reasonable.  For example, sometimes we feel guilty (or are made to feel guilty) if we do not anticipate the needs of another.  In truth, the other person is responsible for getting her own needs met, which means she needs to speak her needs to have those needs be acknowledged and, ideally, met.  Nobody can read minds.

So why does guilt come into the picture?  Sometimes I honestly believe of myself that I should be able to read minds.  As if that were possible!  That's what's known as "magical thinking."  Circumstances are always going to be evolving and changing in life which also means all situations will be different, even if those situations have similar events involved.  Why is that important?  Because every moment is a new moment and can have new outcomes.

I don't have to beat myself up for not being omniscient.  Puh-lease!  What I do have to do is be gentle with myself and do the best I can in any situation.  I tend to dwell on things that I can't change and feel guilty about some of those things.  An example is I want a vacation to Italy, which also makes me feel guilty for wanting to take a break from my great life.  I'm not even going to do this vacation - but the very act of thinking about it makes me feel guilty.  Stupid, huh?

Well, guilt be GONE!  I'm going to enjoy my imagination, my wants, my desires, and know that I won't get all of them.  I will also work on being gentle with myself when it comes to magical thinking.  This trap is a tough one for me and one that I continually work on.  Most of all, I will use my sense of humor as often as possible to not make moments monumentally important that don't need to be.  Sigh.  One day at a time!!!

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

Sit Up and Take Notice

As I was walking with my little girl this morning, I noticed how she was taking in the world.  For the first time since we've been walking, she sat up in the stroller as we walked.  Now, some of the reason is because we just graduated to a bigger and more supportive stroller, but I attribute most of her sitting up to her curiosity about the world around her, much like the little girl in the photo to the right.

So often we walk through the world and don't take in the simple things around us like the birds chirping, the wind on our face, the smell of the fresh morning...  As your summer comes to a broil, I invite you to take in the wonderful sensations around you.  I don't know what your favorite things are, but mine are the crispness of L.A. mornings (ah, the desert!), hot chai tea warming my belly, my husband's embrace, and my little girl's giggle.

As life evolves, your favorite things list may grow or change.  That's life.  Take notice and see what your favorite things are today that may be different from about 5 years ago.  What has stayed on your "favorite things" list?  Revel in the fact that you're a more evolved you than before - and you're still YOU.

Happy Sunday!

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

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