Thought for the Day

Take a moment to stop and observe your surroundings.  Notice how you breathe when you're taking in your world.  Notice what your eyes focus on.  Notice what your mind thinks.  Without judgement, see if you can discover one element in your surroundings for which you are grateful.  Lastly, see if you can make your heart smile.

Your life is an accumulation of hard work, successes, learning moments, and love.  I'm glad you're alive and in my world!

Copyright 2012 Heather Corwin

Days My Heart Hurts

Today I woke up knowing I was going to be able to have a little time to myself to read and watch THE HELP.  I'm a SAG member and I was delighted to receive a screener for it.  Watching THE HELP, I started to think about my life and the mean people who have tried to scar me in my life.  People who have bullied me or tried to take advantage of me.  Somehow in defining moments, I had the courage and strength to stand up for myself.

One such occasion was in 8th grade.  A girl named Jinx in one of my classes who had been held back, had a reputation for fighting and winning, and who was reputed to have a criminal record took to calling me "Duchess." She called me Duchess because I wore a pair of my mother's heeled clogs to school.  I LOVED those clogs.  They were my favorite shoes to try on when my feet were at least 4 sizes too small to fit the shoes.  When I wore those shoes, I knew I had become a woman.  And this bully was making fun of me for wearing them.

Red-faced, ashamed, and scared to death that she even noticed me, I let her call me Duchess that day and I didn't say anything, hoping her name-calling would blow over and go away.  That was not to be.  The next week, she thought it would be funny to start in on me again.    With every ounce of courage I owned, I asked her to please not call me that.  The girl stood up, all 200 or so mean pounds of her, looked me up and down, and said... "okay."  Blotchy-faced and sweating, I said "thank you."  She laughed at me and sat down.  She never bothered me again.

When I think of all the people who don't have the courage to stand up for themselves or who can't, it makes my heart hurt.  If it's the last thing I do, I want my daughter to know she deserves to be treated well and should not tolerate anyone to treat her otherwise.

I am scared to the core of my soul.  For the first time in my life, I understand what might compel me to become violent toward another human being...if someone hurt my little girl maliciously and knowingly.  I pray that day never comes.  If it does, I hope to God I can have compassion and give my little girl all the love I have in my heart.  Thank God I have a loving husband who stands with me in this world to raise our little love. You see, I prefer my heart to sing, not to hurt.

Restlessness

There are days where no matter what I do, I just can't seem to be comfortable in my skin.  Some of these days are inspired by lack of sleep, hormones, or simply needing to take care of others.  Other times I wonder what the restlessness is about.

I am a firm believer in pursuing the career that makes you happy - and I'm doing that.  I am an educator, wellness facilitator, wife to a wonderful husband, mom to a sweet pea, and Ph.D. student.  All of these things make me happy.  Plus, I've already acknowledged that too much of a good thing can make me unhappy too.  So what's missing or needed that I'm NOT doing?

Motion.  All my life I've loved to move and stretch and dance.  The past two years have been so full that I've either not been able to or not had the energy to move in an enthusiastic stretch.  In truth, I just wanted to nap if I had the time!  But as the restlessness creeps into my skin, I recognize my need to move.

So, with a joyful heart, I'm off to MOVE!  Let the restlessness dance right out of my soul!

Copyright 2012 Heather Corwin

Find Your Edge

Practicing.  It's something you have to do to perfect anything.  Walking (at first), running, speaking, communicating, - everything.  So why are we so hard on ourselves when we don't get it right?  Why do we continually compare our progress with others instead of our own journey?  Oh, those loud judges in our minds keep us on our toes, don't they?

Today, for the first time since having my little girl, I was able to do some stretching that didn't hurt.  I was able to breathe, work out some kinks, and make my little girl giggle as I contorted into much needed stretches.  And I started thinking about how I could be mad at myself for not being in great shape after having a baby.  But then I remembered the great point my client made yesterday, "You listened to your body when you were pregnant.  You were gestating - and you're not 20.  You were doing your job."

I didn't come to that conclusion on my own.  However, what I take away from that is the truth that by listening to my body, I can decide to grow whatever it needs.  Now I can grow my flexibility and ease after a hiatus of growing a life.  That not only feels great framed that way, it is true.

Sometimes we move away from things that make us feel good for a reason.  We can either move toward something else that makes us feel good or we can beat ourselves up about it.  Eh.  I vote for move toward the good feeling stuff!!!  Life is too short.  It's all about PRACTICE anyway, not perfection!

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

Planting a Garden When It's HOT

I'm not a native Californian like my husband and daughter, I'm from the hard-working city of Chicago.  Life is very different here.  Here I can plant and play with plants all year round!  Now, Chicago is in the great planes and has wonderful soil for farming, but only in seasons when you don't freeze your eyeballs off.  In California, this introvert can enjoy warm breezes all year round.

So I started thinking about why I like to tend to my garden.  When I was little, my mother loved roses - but wasn't very good at keeping them.  She also loved to plant herbs.  I didn't always love helping her, but now I can't stay out of my garden!  This love had to come from somewhere.  Spending quality time alone thinking while my hands are busy making beauty is important to me.  I think that's another reason I love the healing arts (Rolfing and maternity massage).

I think of walking, gardening, playing cards, and intimate moments with my husband are the activities that help my mind stop reeling and get me back into the moment.  The latter is my favorite by far.  However, he's not always available.  Slow your world down and enjoy your garden.  Today is a great day to practice - strike now while it's HOT!

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

Sweet Dreams

When you were little, did you dream about becoming something big?  Something you knew people would love you for and you would rule the world?  Well, my friend, you are not alone!  But when do these dreams get derailed?

Are you in a job you want?  Do you hear all the time, "be grateful you have a job!" or "in this economy, you should...(whatever)."  Well, I'm here to tell you that small thinking will not make your heart happy.  If you are not enjoying your life, YOU need to change it.  You don't have to quit your job today and start hunting for another job - you can create a plan and move forward through steps to make that plan come to life - your life!

Change is often stressful, even when it's the change we crave.  To minimize the stress, the steps you devise can aid your transformation into the life you choose.  Don't let life pass you by thinking, "wow, I wish I would have done that" or "jeez, I always wanted to ....  but just never thought I could."  You CAN. 

Do it!  Do it NOW while you still can!

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

Asking for HELP

There are times in your life when you can't do it all - even if you wanted to!  Asking for help can be a challenge, but a lesson that all who are wise need to embrace.  It takes a village, right?  I'm also including all of us who are people, not just parents, not just children...people.

When I was growing up I loved when a person I loved recognized I needed help without my asking for it.  The offer of help was such a relief!  As an adult, the offers are more rare - especially because I WANT to be able to do it all and others sense this in me so they don't offer.  I still cry with relief when my husband sees I'm at my wits end and need some help - and he offers silently and without judgement.

However, no one can read my mind.  It's up to me to speak my needs and tell others when I need help.  I was pleasantly surprised at the positive responses I received from family and friends who came to my rescue...because I asked and I received!

When is the last time you asked for what you needed?  You just might get it!

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

Childhood Sighs

You know how when you make your bed with fresh linens (maybe you even hung them outside to dry!) and you take your shower (or bath!) before you go to bed in your clean sheets...and you just feel so cozy and clean?  I love that feeling!  Another feeling I love is when I am talking to my husband and he is listening to me closely.  I know he's listening because he makes a comment that sums up my story perfectly.  He's great like that.

On the other hand when I was growing up, I often felt like I was not heard.  I don't know if some of that is because I am a twin or because my mom was not good at multitasking, or whatever, I just know that's how I felt.  As I'm going through the world, I'm thinking about the way I remember being as a child and I want to address and conquer, if I can, the problems I faced as a child.

One way for me to do that is to have ONE child.  I know many people might believe the old stigma (that was disproven scientifically) that only children are spoiled.  Well, if a child whose needs are met is spoiled, I am IN!  I want my little girl to be heard.  I don't want to split my focus.  I don't want her to feel like an afterthought.  I don't want her to have the theme in her life am I enough?...like I do.

Parenting is not a perfect art - neither is being a wife and friend.  But, I want to do the best job I know how with the tools I have.  And that means I'm having one child.  As a choice.

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

Finding Time to Do What You Love

So often the end of the day is here and I think to myself, "Where did the day go?"  Well, that's not ideal for me.  I like to feel I've accomplished something, if even a small goal for the day.  But is the problem a matter of time, priorities, or support from others to meet my needs?

You know I'm a new mom, so having time for me just became more precious than ever.  As an introvert, I recharge by spending time alone.  Granted, that time will look different now, but it's still time I need to feel good.  So I started to think about the time I am actually alone in the day.  These times tend to be in the bathroom.

What I'm finding myself doing in my daily morning shower is a ritual.  I look out my window at my garden, take restful and cleansing breaths, and list the things I'm thankful for in my life.  After those brief moments, I think of a goal I want to set for my day.  It might even be as simple as to make a chai tea and sit for 5 minutes alone.  I might add something like I want to make my husband and little girl smile at least 5 times today.  This is a great beginning to reclaiming time for me.  As time goes on and I get better at being a mom, I feel confident more time will come for me.

No matter how full my life is, I need to find the time and energy to rejuvenate.  As I recreate my life as the mother in a family AND being the me prior to being a mom, I need to bring with me the elements of my life that are most important. 

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

Letter to My Daughter about Dating

Dear Sweet Girl,

Here are some things to consider when you start dating.

• When you decide to commit yourself to a man (if men are your preference), make sure he makes you laugh.  If he doesn't, kick him to the curb.
• When you decide to date, make sure you get butterflies inside.  If you still have the butterflies on the third date, keep dating him.
• If he does not kiss well, and you really like him, teach him how to kiss you. 
• If he doesn't make you feel special, dump him.
• Know that there are several ways to say "I Love You."  You might like flowers, he might like to fix your car.  Both can mean "I Love You."  Make sure you find the guy who speaks your love language!
• When you enter the room, if his eyes don't look for you, you may have reason to wonder about staying in the relationship.
• If he doesn't make you feel beautiful, dump him.
• If he looks at other women with lust in your presence, dump him.  (This may have to wait until you're in your thirties...)
• If your pulse rate doesn't speed up when he's around, question why you're in the relationship.
• If you feel defensive around him more than 5% of the time, dump him.
• If you don't like his family and you are considering being with him for the long haul, know that you're choosing a long hard battle that you won't win.
• If you're thinking of cheating on him - dump him.  I don't care how long you've been together - end the first relationship before you start another.  Even if it's hard, DO IT.  Not ending the first relationship will make the second never work - and all will feel terrible.

And finally,
Know that you are the most precious person in the world.  If the person you love does not awaken in you and recognize the best parts of you, walk away.  You deserve someone who celebrates you for the amazing person you are.

Love,
Mom

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

Love is...

There are so many types of love!  That's the great news about life.  We can love our family, our friends, our animals, our careers and more.  Valentine's Day can sometimes push many buttons when it comes to love because it tends to force us to focus on ideal romantic love.  While romance is a fun element to enjoy in life, it is not the end all be all of living.

If you are one of the people who like to wear black on this day, I encourage you to focus on the other parts of love in your life that make you smile.  You don't have to get anyone roses, chocolates, or take them out to dinner!  You can just send them a little email or call to leave an "I love you" message.  That could help make their day as well.

Today, I dedicate to my 2 month old daughter (today!)  She is sleeping on my chest as I write this, snoring - wrapped in a pink blanket.  I'm beginning to understand a new way to love through my relationship with her.  In this relationship, I'm learning to negotiate needs, wants, and re-prioritize.

If you're having a glum day, remember that love is all around us.  No one can tell you what that means, how you should act about it, and how to relegate love.  Embrace your passions!!  You are enough.

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

A Time to Create

Many people liken the experience of creation of a work of art to that of birth.  The artist has the idea, the passion, the drive, and the chutzpa to see the inception to completion.  As we face the many challenges life gives, remembering the times of creation will help you find the power inside yourself to weather the inevitable challenges.

If you've been feeling a bit stagnant in your life or you feel you are at a crossroads, now is the best time to be still, listen inside, and let your heart tell you what is next for you to create.  Listening is not easy, nor is it for the faint of heart.  Sometimes your answers will not make others happy.  Sometimes your answers may not make sense to you - but you know that choice will be your choice and the right one for you.

If you believe and have a spiritual practice with Universe, Spirit, God or whatever you'd like to call it, that may deepen your empowerment and faith when challenges arrive and you are discouraged.  Community is a wonderful support and church (your choice) can offer that type of community.

Now, my friend, is the time to create your life as you see fit.  Find your heart, listen, and leap!  Leap into your creation!  Good luck!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Clean out the Relationship Closet!

There are times in everyone's life when a relationship has outlasted its welcome.  Sometimes those relationships are personal, sometimes business.  So what should be the deal breakers when deciding who's to go and who's to stay?

1. Do you feel your relationship is mutually respectful?
2. Do you trust the person or institution?
3. Do you look forward to interactions with the person?
4. Does the person own when s/he does something wrong?  Meaning, do they apologize or just make you feel bad because they ignore your feelings and needs?
5. Do you seem to have a core affinity for each other?
6. Do you dread hearing from them?
7. When you see it's them on caller ID, is your choice most often to let it go to voice mail even when you can take the call?
8. When you get off the phone or out of a meeting with the person, do you sigh with relief?

Check it out with your people.  Life is too short to invite anxiety into it!  Surround yourself with the people who LOVE you!!!

Your Partner Should Make You Laugh

A key all successful relationships seem to share is laughter.  When I see people who love each other, I notice that both make the other sparkle and usually laugh most of the time.  That's not to say great relationships can't be serious at times - of course.  But humor is the glue.

My husband just returned from Chicago and I've been really missing him.  When he arrived at 2a.m., I couldn't see him because it was dark.  We laughed in the dark and told each other some stories we couldn't wait to share and promptly fell back to sleep.

In that time I laughed more than I had in the four days he was gone.  Yes sir, laughter is so important!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Feng Shui

Feng Shui is the ancient art of energy flow in space begun in China about 3,000 years ago.  Basically, Feng Shui posits that depending on what type of person you are, where you live, the direction of all entrances and exits, clutter, and flow all determine your quality of life.  Whether or not you believe in Feng Shui, there is something to be said for the tranquility result after applying even one or two simple ideas inspired by this art.

For example, clutter does not allow the mind to function well.  The idea is that clutter in your space is a reflection of the mind.  In order for your mind to work well, clearing the clutter is imperative.  Another example is placing your bed in a direction that does not stop flow into the room.  When you enter your bedroom (or any room for that matter), you want to sigh with happiness.  Does your space do that?

Another simple addition to your space might be a small fountain.  The four elements are very important in Feng Shui - and water is cooling for the fiery crazy-making that is a part of most of our days. 

Does your life and space flow? 

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Are You Where You Want to Be?

I was lucky enough to grow up in the same house with many of the same friends in the same community - and I liked those people and that place.  Not everyone has this experience.  Now, as an adult, I'm the only one of the three children who has moved to live in other parts of the United States who has yet to return to Chicago to live permanently - and I don't think I will be doing that in the future (near or far).

So what questions do I ask myself to make sure I'm in the right place?

• When I wake up, am I glad to be here?
• Do I have access to the things I love to do here?
• Does my home feel serene to me?
• Do I have enough friends who I can call in need who I feel would come running?
• Do people in my community value what I do?
• Do I feel a part of a community?
• Is there somewhere else I think I would be happier?

The last question is a trick question.  I think it's always easy to fantasize about places as you would like for them to be rather than as they are.  However, without asking this question along with the others, I don't think I would be as happy as I am (minus traffic - GUH), nor would I be as clear about the elements I love in my life so I can be sure to incorporate those things throughout my life.

How's your life going?

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Comfort Food

When I'm really stressed and really want a delectable treat that's not THEE most healthy for me, I go to wheat noodle Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.  To add finesse, I incorporate a chef's favorite: peas and carrots.  Who can resist?

If I'm not well, I go for Kraft singles in grilled cheese (on a healthy multi-grain bread) with some creamy tomato soup.  That's a personal favorite!

And if I'm missing my mother, I make her rice casserole with 1 stick of butter melted in a casserole dish with 1 cup of long grain rice (at 375), after 20 minutes I add two cans of beef consume, 1 small can of drained mushrooms, and one small white onion chopped.  Cover and cook for 40 minutes. Uncover and cook 20 minutes more until top is browned.  Amazing!

What's your favorite comfort food?

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Well... I'm Back!

Ladies and gentlemen, I've had some life things happen that add up to wonderful - and I needed to tend to those things.  Plus, the words were not finding their way to the screen, so I just let be what was and now I'm back. 

Allowing is a wonderful thing to practice.  There are days that you may want to push through to get it all done, but that just doesn't work well.  So I'm practicing letting things go that just can't be done in one day and prioritizing the things I need to do.  As a type A personality, that's a hard thing for me to grasp and practice.  Why?  I want to do it all!

Today, I encourage you to let one thing go that could wait until tomorrow.  Not an important deadline thing, just something that you really could wait to do that might cause you anxiety because you feel driven to do it NOW. 

I'd love to hear how that felt!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Big Changes... Want One?

I took a few days off because I have been under the weather.  That rest I was talking about on Monday?  Well, I needed it.  After a few days of nausea and resting, I'm feeling better. 

While I was resting, I was thinking about how people can decide to change or not.  I thought about if there's anything in my life I'd like to change... and, yes, there is a biggie: my relationship to money.  When I get stressed, I want to hold tight to the perception of security that I place in money.  I'm perfectly aware that my need is an illusion, but I hold fast to it. So what can I do to bust through my unnecessary perception?  Since knowing the facts intellectually don't seem to help change my point of view, perhaps a faith in the universe might.

The truth of the matter is I have many people in my life who will support me and help me if I really need it.  To date in my life, I've not really needed to take advantage of that kind of support.  Which tells me two things: my worry is not based in historically accurate behavior, and I'm lucky to have people who I can count on in my life.

I encourage you to take a look at anything in your life that you'd like to change - from all angles.  Sometimes even the looking at it can help you begin the evolution to where you want to be!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Some Days It's Best to Rest

This is a great day off.  I relish the couch.  Now, not all days off are like this.  However, there are select few that I actually want to couch potato with the zeal of the unwell.  Today was such a glorious day.

There is something to be said for only moving when I'm hungry, channel surfing for entertainment, and being alone in the house.  It's best when I've a sweet man to get me food, but I reserve that luxury for when I'm actually sick.  I can tell I worked hard this week because today seemed like a long day full of ease and whim.  Ah, what a delight!  Often, days off seem to fly by - but when I'm working really hard during the week, the day seems blissfully longer than normal because I'm not constantly moving.

You know, it wasn't a hookey day for me, but I want to underline how important I believe in one day a year a person should take off work for a mental wellness day.  You don't have to be ill, you just have to want your personal time - a time to recharge.  My mom allowed me this when I was growing up once a year.  It's a tradition that I cherish.  The world seems different on days like that because you're doing something that's out of the ordinary.  And that's refreshing.

Is it time for a personal day for you? 

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin