'I Am Ready to Be a Parent' List

If 7 of 10 of these are true, you may be ready to be a parent.

1.  I don't really feel like I need time to myself.
2.  "Sleep?  Who needs sleep?" or "I can sleep when I'm dead" are thoughts I think often.
3.  I don't have to prove myself to anyone.
4.  I am in a loving supportive relationship and/or feel I have the resources to successfully raise a child.
5.  I don't get angry or freaked out often.
6.  I believe I can model good behavior for a child (all the time, not just in public).
7.  I have the humility to recognize when I need help and I ask for it BEFORE situations become hazardous or out of control.
8.  I'm okay with situations when I don't have the answers.
9.  I like being sick and taking care of others.
10.  The needs of others can be more important than my own needs most of the time (especially when infants or toddlers are in my care).

Being a mom is F-ing hard.  Jeez, I can't even swear about it these days.  For Pete's sake!

I'm just now starting to comprehend the awe that I should have for my mother raising 3 children, the second birth being twins (of which I'm one)!  Egads.  In the past few weeks (which seem like a millennium) I have helped my daughter weather 2 vicious fevers (one is still one the outs), another tooth eruption, an allergic reaction to amoxicillin, and many sleepless nights for both of us.

Being alive with offspring means that my time is not mine anymore.  My time is hers first if she's ill because she needs me to take care of her.  Never did I really understand what that would mean in real life.  I used to fantasize about the type of mom I would want to be when that day came.  Well, that day's here and the type of mom I'm striving to be is kicking my butt.  Parenting is freaking hard - if you do it with your heart and soul.

I guess what I'm saying is if you're already a parent, bless you.  If you're thinking about becoming one, think long and hard - it's not all a bed of roses.  It's going to try your partnership, take away the spare time you ever thought you had, and many of the things you'd want to do socially just have to wait until your child's age allows it, or you can get enough sleep to have the energy to go out!

It may not be Mother's Day or Father's Day anytime soon, but I'm inspired to say thank you to the people who raised me.  It's a tough job!!!

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

Colds Stink

The tickle at the back of your throat... the itchy and watery eyes... the runny nose...  feeling worn down...  usually these symptoms all add up to a cold.  So what do you to weather the feeling bad, but not so bad that you stop your life and take a day off?  What if you have an audition?

Many swear by teas, echinacea, vitamin C, orange juice, plenty of liquids and chicken noodle soup.  Emergen-C is handy in my bag of wellness.  If you're able to get some doting on my your mom, all the more power to you!  Do you also use petroleum jelly on your nose to stop the red dry and achy feeling the skin around the nose gets from the constant wiping, dripping and blowing?  If you don't use that, what do you use?

And when I have to audition, I don't stop and give excuses.  If they can tell I'm sick, good for them.  If they can't and they just think I have a bit of a nasal quality, good for me.  Either way, I've done what I wanted to do which is to show up, do my best, and give myself another opportunity to work.

After all, when should a sneeze stop me from getting cast?

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

The Holidays...Already?

That was my first thought when I went to Home Depot the other day upon viewing rows of Christmas trees and decorations...in October.  Really?  Am I just getting more weary because I'm older or is consumerism, in fact, becoming more pronounced?  Maybe both?  Either way, I started to think about how I want to spend the holidays this year.  Last year I was healing from having my little girl at home; I'll spare you the details.  This year, I am well and can celebrate the holidays with cheer.  But where should we celebrate as a family?

My first reaction was with my husband's family because they're within driving distance.  That was our plan.  But then my husband and I started to think about the travel hassles, how our little girl doesn't love to be still for long (let alone a five hour drive), and how we have weathered a hell of a year.  Our revised plan is to stay home and rest.

While I don't think this plan went over well with our family, it sure does make my heart feel cozy.  Holidays are for creating family traditions and celebrating the gifts we have enjoyed during the year.  My husband and I are new parents with a spectacular little girl!  What's not to celebrate?  We made it through the sleep deprivation and are now on our way to laughing often and looking at every day as a fun adventure rather than something to slog through.  Plus, I'm almost done with my Ph.D. coursework, something I never thought would actually come to pass.  I have one more semester and then it's just writing the dissertation.  Phew!  Then all I have to do is land a professorship!  :-D

No matter how you choose to celebrate your holidays this year, follow your heart.  Life has challenges - so make your heart happy the best you know how.  And if you happen to cringe when you see the rows of Christmas decorations at any given store, know that you're not alone.  Find your reason for the season!

 

Copywright 2011 Heather Corwin

Take Time to Connect

As artistic people, we need to take time- especially in an urban environment- to connect to other people in a meaningful and supportive way.  One simple way that we often overlook is resting WITH someone else.  The truth is, as animals we sleep more soundly knowing that someone is looking over or out for us.  So why not rest in a pack every now and then?

By resting with others, we give our over-stimulated nervous systems a chance to regulate and synch with others at a time when we're all calm.  When's the last time you felt truly calm with another?  What a cozy feeling!  If you're able to, choose a place that makes you all or both feel safe and good like the people in the image above lying on the deck by the water with a fuzzy friend keeping watch.  You might choose in front of a warming fire or on an inviting couch.

Even taking 10 minutes a day to rest with someone else can make a calming difference in your life.  Give it a try.  Isn't it a lovely thought to know that you can bring more joy into your life?

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

Do Hormones Really Do Anything?

In a word: Yes.  First, the average male has 9 hormones where as the average female has 126.  No wonder women suffer from migraines more than men!  But that's not all.  What I'm learning first hand is mood swings and intense feelings after giving birth.  These fluctuating hormones make me feel like I have some sort of madness at times.

The intensity of feelings harkens back to the beginning of the time when my period started.  There's a great reason most teenage girls are portrayed as moody and bitchy.  During my time, I would feel on edge and vulnerable and not understand why. 

Well, now I know why and I'm annoyed that most of the time I'm doing damage control in my own mind.  For example, if the dishes are in the sink and dirty left by anyone else, I'm furious.  Seriously angry.  This anger is followed by a bafflement that anyone would be so selfish as to do something they know would annoy me.  Yeah.  Not fun to be in my head as this whirlwind of emotions swirl.

The healthy part of this present process is my ability to step back, take a breath, and realize that this too shall pass.  Sigh.  As I begin the process of slowing down and stopping breast feeding, I'm hoping my body doesn't offer me an all out riot of screaming hormones...  it will.  So until the storm passes, I thank all of you who have to sit it out with me. 

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin

Too Much On Your Plate?

I was having lunch today with a friend when I realized my life is so full it's over-flowing.  Most of the time I'm really proud that I'm managing to do all the things I am: Ph.D. student, new mom, new wife, private wellness practice (that's successful), teaching at 2 universities... and those are the main highlights.  But when is enough enough?

Doing this much means that I have created self-imposed anxiety.  That translates to lower tolerance for adapting to situations.  For example, going to out to eat with a friend and bringing my daughter is not so easy.  I have to factor in when she's going to eat, when she's going to get her nap, what she's acting like today, hope that I'm hungry but not starving by the time we eat, and hope she likes where we are.  Then I get to worry about if we're irritating the other patrons if she behaves like a baby and cries at all.  Sigh.  Going out makes me anxious instead of happy. 

Even if I wasn't doing all the things I'm doing, I do wonder if going out with my little girl would cause me as much anxiety.  I'm an introvert, after all.  But I know stress is taking its toll on my jolly attitude.  I'm not saying you have to be a parent to understand pressure, I'm wondering if it's just the one more thing that's gotten me close to my tolerance point.  Sigh.  I'm trying to get to the "I don't care, it's just life" attitude...but I do care.  When I do something, I like to enjoy it. Makes sense, right? 

Man.  Life can give challenges!  So I plan on being strategic and practice adaptability.  Plus, I need to get better at asking for help when I need it.  Phew.  If this resonates with you, please know you're not alone!

Copyright 2011 Heather Corwin