If 7 of 10 of these are true, you may be ready to be a parent.
1. I don't really feel like I need time to myself.
2. "Sleep? Who needs sleep?" or "I can sleep when I'm dead" are thoughts I think often.
3. I don't have to prove myself to anyone.
4. I am in a loving supportive relationship and/or feel I have the resources to successfully raise a child.
5. I don't get angry or freaked out often.
6. I believe I can model good behavior for a child (all the time, not just in public).
7. I have the humility to recognize when I need help and I ask for it BEFORE situations become hazardous or out of control.
8. I'm okay with situations when I don't have the answers.
9. I like being sick and taking care of others.
10. The needs of others can be more important than my own needs most of the time (especially when infants or toddlers are in my care).
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Being a mom is F-ing hard. Jeez, I can't even swear about it these days. For Pete's sake!
I'm just now starting to comprehend the awe that I should have for my mother raising 3 children, the second birth being twins (of which I'm one)! Egads. In the past few weeks (which seem like a millennium) I have helped my daughter weather 2 vicious fevers (one is still one the outs), another tooth eruption, an allergic reaction to amoxicillin, and many sleepless nights for both of us.
Being alive with offspring means that my time is not mine anymore. My time is hers first if she's ill because she needs me to take care of her. Never did I really understand what that would mean in real life. I used to fantasize about the type of mom I would want to be when that day came. Well, that day's here and the type of mom I'm striving to be is kicking my butt. Parenting is freaking hard - if you do it with your heart and soul.
I guess what I'm saying is if you're already a parent, bless you. If you're thinking about becoming one, think long and hard - it's not all a bed of roses. It's going to try your partnership, take away the spare time you ever thought you had, and many of the things you'd want to do socially just have to wait until your child's age allows it, or you can get enough sleep to have the energy to go out!
It may not be Mother's Day or Father's Day anytime soon, but I'm inspired to say thank you to the people who raised me. It's a tough job!!!
You know how when you make your bed with fresh linens (maybe you even hung them outside to dry!) and you take your shower (or bath!) before you go to bed in your clean sheets...and you just feel so cozy and clean? I love that feeling! Another feeling I love is when I am talking to my husband and he is listening to me closely. I know he's listening because he makes a comment that sums up my story perfectly. He's great like that.
On the other hand when I was growing up, I often felt like I was not heard. I don't know if some of that is because I am a twin or because my mom was not good at multitasking, or whatever, I just know that's how I felt. As I'm going through the world, I'm thinking about the way I remember being as a child and I want to address and conquer, if I can, the problems I faced as a child.
One way for me to do that is to have ONE child. I know many people might believe the old stigma (that was disproven scientifically) that only children are spoiled. Well, if a child whose needs are met is spoiled, I am IN! I want my little girl to be heard. I don't want to split my focus. I don't want her to feel like an afterthought. I don't want her to have the theme in her life am I enough?...like I do.
Parenting is not a perfect art - neither is being a wife and friend. But, I want to do the best job I know how with the tools I have. And that means I'm having one child. As a choice.
So I'm now recovering from sleep deprivation that clouded my life the first three months of my being a parent. My little girl is here, sharing my home, now her home, and at last I can almost function normally (whatever that means). And now that I'm a parent, I can't help but think of my own parents and how they raised me. Plus, I'm a twin and was unexpectedly so, and I can't imagine having two little ones at the same time.
So what does it take to be a good parent? According to Bowlby, the pioneer of parenting Attachment theory, parents only have to be great 30% of the time. What that means is I have to try to understand her needs and meet them. I'm certainly going to get that wrong. When I do get it wrong, I need to repair the damage I do by adjusting my behavior to meet her needs at least 30% of the time. This will be enough for my baby girl to feel like she is loved, taken care of, and will give her the courage to successfully find her way into the world as she needs it to be. That's freaking cool.
No matter if I liked my parents most of the time or not, they created me, took care of me to the best of their ability, and loved me...still do! What I do know about parenting is
it's not for everyone
it's harder than I could have imagined because I want to get it right
my parents had it tougher than I did because I'm a twin and was born the "middle" child
I'm going to screw my kid up - but I'll be there for her when I do!
My mom is no longer living so I can't ask her for advice even if I wanted to. I feel blessed to have a wonderful family and in-laws who are loving and generous - thank God!!! I couldn't make it through this time without them. I have a day coming up to acknowledge their love and support.
Mother's day is May 8. Whether or not you see eye to eye with your mom, she surely made it possible for you to be living. You may want to send her some love this Mother's day!
