Core to Win

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Letter to My Daughter about Dating

Dear Sweet Girl,

Here are some things to consider when you start dating.

When you decide to commit yourself to a man (if men are your preference), make sure he makes you laugh. If he doesn't, kick him to the curb.
When you decide to date, make sure you get butterflies inside. If you still have the butterflies on the third date, keep dating him.
If he does not kiss well, and you really like him, teach him how to kiss you.
If he doesn't make you feel special, dump him.
Know that there are several ways to say "I Love You." You might like flowers, he might like to fix your car. Both can mean "I Love You." Make sure you find the guy who speaks your love language!
When you enter the room, if his eyes don't look for you, you may have reason to wonder about staying in the relationship.
If he doesn't make you feel beautiful, dump him.
If he looks at other women with lust in your presence, dump him. (This may have to wait until you're in your thirties...)
If your pulse rate doesn't speed up when he's around, question why you're in the relationship.
If you feel defensive around him more than 5% of the time, dump him.
If you don't like his family and you are considering being with him for the long haul, know that you're choosing a long hard battle that you won't win.
If you're thinking of cheating on him - dump him. I don't care how long you've been together - end the first relationship before you start another. Even if it's hard, DO IT. Not ending the first relationship will make the second never work - and all will feel terrible.

And finally,
Know that you are the most precious person in the world. If the person you love does not awaken in you and recognize the best parts of you, walk away. You deserve someone who celebrates you for the amazing person you are.

Love,
Mom

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Holy Crap, I'm a PARENT

So I'm now recovering from sleep deprivation that clouded my life the first three months of my being a parent. My little girl is here, sharing my home, now her home, and at last I can almost function normally (whatever that means). And now that I'm a parent, I can't help but think of my own parents and how they raised me. Plus, I'm a twin and was unexpectedly so, and I can't imagine having two little ones at the same time.

So what does it take to be a good parent? According to Bowlby, the pioneer of parenting Attachment theory, parents only have to be great 30% of the time. What that means is I have to try to understand her needs and meet them. I'm certainly going to get that wrong. When I do get it wrong, I need to repair the damage I do by adjusting my behavior to meet her needs at least 30% of the time. This will be enough for my baby girl to feel like she is loved, taken care of, and will give her the courage to successfully find her way into the world as she needs it to be. That's freaking cool.

No matter if I liked my parents most of the time or not, they created me, took care of me to the best of their ability, and loved me...still do! What I do know about parenting is

it's not for everyone
it's harder than I could have imagined because I want to get it right
my parents had it tougher than I did because I'm a twin and was born the "middle" child
I'm going to screw my kid up - but I'll be there for her when I do!

My mom is no longer living so I can't ask her for advice even if I wanted to. I feel blessed to have a wonderful family and in-laws who are loving and generous - thank God!!! I couldn't make it through this time without them. I have a day coming up to acknowledge their love and support.

Mother's day is May 8. Whether or not you see eye to eye with your mom, she surely made it possible for you to be living. You may want to send her some love this Mother's day!

Monday, February 14, 2011

Love is...

There are so many types of love! That's the great news about life. We can love our family, our friends, our animals, our careers and more. Valentine's Day can sometimes push many buttons when it comes to love because it tends to force us to focus on ideal romantic love. While romance is a fun element to enjoy in life, it is not the end all be all of living.

If you are one of the people who like to wear black on this day, I encourage you to focus on the other parts of love in your life that make you smile. You don't have to get anyone roses, chocolates, or take them out to dinner! You can just send them a little email or call to leave an "I love you" message. That could help make their day as well.

Today, I dedicate to my 2 month old daughter (today!) She is sleeping on my chest as I write this, snoring - wrapped in a pink blanket. I'm beginning to understand a new way to love through my relationship with her. In this relationship, I'm learning to negotiate needs, wants, and re-prioritize.

If you're having a glum day, remember that love is all around us. No one can tell you what that means, how you should act about it, and how to relegate love. Embrace your passions!! You are enough.

Friday, December 31, 2010

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Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Where I've Travelled...

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Thursday, November 4, 2010

BodybyHeather Newlestter for November

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Sunday, October 31, 2010

When to Say When

There are times in your life you have to compromise. The important thing to note is when you really have to make that compromise or when you're begin stubborn. When it comes to things I have always done, giving those activities up can be humbling and necessary - especially when it's not just my health in consideration.

Such a challenge is being given to me when I'm in my last trimester of pregnancy, anemic, put on rest, and my husband who has been my champion and care-giver gets ill himself - and needs to be taken care of. Sigh. Isn't that always the way?

So what do you do when you're faced with needing help from others when you shouldn't do something yourself? I have to tell you, NOT doing what I want to do and have been able to do in the past is very challenging. Learning how to ask for help is the best thing I can do - and so I'm doing it. I have great friends who live nearby who have offered to help out. One little word was needed from me, "yes" (I added a "please.")

Having people who I can count on touches me to the depths of my soul. Who can you count on in your life? Be thankful for them and don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Feeling needed is a great feeling! Invite help and you might be surprised who is there for you.