Feeling Stuck?

Living in an urban environment like Los Angeles can take its toll.  Five years is the estimated average of how long a person needs to live here before L.A. can feel like home.  That's true of most places.  So what do you do if you're feeling stuck here?

When I'm feeling stuck, I love to get out and be in nature.  Sometimes I walk, sometimes I hike, sometimes I drive or fly to a place that makes me happy.  When I'm in nature, I'm not so overwhelmed by the everyday things that are eating at me.  I stop obsessing about this and that and simply breathe.

If you're not an outdoorsy type, I would suggest turning off all the electronics in your home and either sitting on your bed or the floor in a quiet place, closing your eyes, and noticing all of the sounds you hear (not to change them, just notice them).  Then you can try for all the aromas you smell.   And if you're feeling rather adventurous, keep your eyes closed, stay on the floor, and slowly explore your space.  Do not move quickly enough that you might hurt yourself.

If that doesn't work, hug therapy might be an ideal option.  Or a massage or healing session!  Every try attending a crystal sound bath?  Touch and sound heals!

After your mini get-a-way, check in with yourself and see how you feel now.  Better?  I thought so!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Make Your Heart Smile

I was walking with my husband this evening and we were talking about the moment for me that I knew this wasn't just some cute guy, but a man who was really someone worth considering.  He noticed a detail about me that I didn't think many people would - I had a pink (once purple) streak in my then red hair.  He noticed.  Nobody else had even mentioned it!

When a person takes the time to take you in, he is sending you the message that you are important to him.  I was happy to return the favor.  And then the sheer wonderfulness of it scared me to death.  But that's another story. 

To be a good friend to another is, in my opinion, to be present.  Listen.  Ingest thoughts.  Share.  Discuss.  Be.  By doing these simple things, we make life better because we're growing a relationship as we grow self.  Notice if you like to talk or share more than listen, or vice versa.  Sometimes you'll want to be the listener more and sometimes the talker.  Notice if you have the urge to "fix" the other or if you're simply able to listen.  Notice if the other wants your advice or just to be heard.  You can always ask what the other person would like from you if you're not clear.

Cultivate your friendships, my friend.  They're worth their weight in gold!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Baby! Should We Have A Baby?

Is a career in the theatre or acting really a good match to becoming a parent?  Cost of living is high, stress is high, and auditions happen often with less than 24 hours notice.  Does an actor have to choose to act or to parent?  Some would agree to succeed you cannot have a family and others would not.  You have to decide you want a family and then go from there. 

If you choose to have a family, the bottom line seems to be your support system; create or have in place people who you can go to for help.  Now, this does not mean that you have to live next to your family, though that is a rather ideal situation for most people.  What you can do is create a co-op of other friends who are artists or new parents in your area and hope you can be mutually supportive for each other on a variety of fronts.  Going through pregnancy, the medical ins and outs of childbirth, to breast feed or not, babysitting, and the millions of decisions that can overwhelm new parents.  Everything is easier if you do it with other people.

As I evolve my lifestyle with my husband, I continually have to think outside the box to create what I need when it comes to the idea of starting a family.  The way I do this is examine what I desire as the result and determine a variety of options that would lead to the result.  Los Angeles makes this task challenging and possible because many others are in my boat.

Every decision has a consequence.  Will being a parent make me a better person?  I believe it will. Being a mom is something I would love!  I am lucky enough to believe firmly that my husband will be a phenomenal father.  Do I think parenting is hard?  Hah!  It's the hardest thing a person will have to do.  I'm up for the challenge!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Getting Older Means Loss is Inevitable

When I was growing up, my best friend lived two blocks away from me.   I could call her last minute to hang out, go see a movie, or whatever.  We found ways to make everything tolerable through laughter and hanging out.  As an adult, I still want to believe that friendship can be in this form... it cannot.

Being an adult includes responsibilities like running a household, running a business, having a job, paying bills, and creating a structure to successfully manage all of these things.  That means I now have to set a time to hang out with friends - sometimes weeks out from the date - only to be disappointed because something comes up last minute (like an audition) to foil our best laid plans.

A wise woman pointed out to me that instead of focusing on the gap, or the elements I would like to have in my life, I should focus on the things I DO have in my life.  Friends don't come along every day, but I also can't force a friendship to be something I have shared with an amazing woman whom I've known since kindergarten.  History cannot be forced.  Nor can chemistry be forced.  Much the same as romantic relationships, a person cannot force love to appear.  If it comes, it comes.

I may not be thrilled with the idea that I cannot have a girlfriend I can call up anytime who will jump to hang out and chat - but I can save up to travel to meet my girlfriends at their home or at a destination of our choosing.  Since I know I want to reconnect with my friends - I will make it happen on my terms.  It's the adult thing to do!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Hummingbirds are Magical Creatures

Did you know they make a high pitched squeak when they fly?  It sort of sounds like an alternator going out on a car, but much quieter.  Seriously.

I love hummingbirds.  I've loved their tiny little colorful bodies, needle beaks, and magical invisible wings since I was little.  I have a few feeders out back, and I've yet to master the right sugar/water ratio, but I'm working on it. 

Do you have a tiny creature you love?  In truth, I also love toads, which are in many ways opposite of hummingbirds.  I would play with these toads (when in the north woods of WI in the summer), which were much more compelling than frogs in my 5-year-old brain.  They are brown, don't move too quickly, are not uppity, and blend in so well to their environment that they seem magical to me - just like hummingbirds. 

Though I don't think southern California is home to many toads, it is home to many hummingbirds.  When I'm eager to take in a natural inspiration, hummingbirds do the trick every time! 

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Girlfriends are Great

It's chilly out, dark, and quiet.  A perfect evening to call a friend!  Nights like this really hit home how much I have moved around.  Uprooting has deeply affected my ability to nurture and maintain historical friendships.  I am lucky enough to remain in contact with some of my friends from high school.  Not just acquaintances, these people know me.  History cannot be fabricated or replaced.  And I need local friends.  Friends to call up to laugh with, to meet for a movie, coffee or breakfast, and to do fun activities with.

Sadly, with the hurdles of time zones and children, the likelihood of me picking up the phone after 8pm to phone friends in Chicago (10pm there) is unlikely out of respect, and it's usually the only time I can cozy up to a phone.  Here many friends have children and I don't feel comfortable calling after 8pm. 

A wise person who shared tea with me this week reminded me that friendship is an activity - I have to put into it what I wish to get out of it.  So I need to choose friends and apply myself.  I am responsible for my happiness.

My plan?  I'm calling a local friend with a good heart and making a friendship date.  It's time to stop blaming moving around so much for not having heaps of great friends to call at midnight (if I needed to).  I'm making the effort - because girlfriends are great.

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

When the Cat is Away, the Mouse Will Play

So my husband is out of town this weekend and I have plenty of solitude to cuddle my cat, read my Ph.D. books, and clean. While I was pondering all of the wild things I could do while he was away, I realized I just love down time to cultivate stillness or mindful activity. Okay, this is not a knew realization for me.

Creating order in my space and home helps me be clear and unfettered in my life. Having time to tend to the house without the distraction of cuddling up to my husband, is rare and reflective for me. I love the feeling a clean house gives me - AFTER it's done. The doing can be therapeutic, but not always something I hunger for. Plus, according to Psychology Today, a clean space (often) reflects an orderly mind.

Well, kids, I miss my husband. As it happens, you get to hear about it.

Okay, so I really should have titled this "Distance Makes The Heart Grow Fonder", but would it have been as enticing?

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Transplant to L.A.

Yesterday I was transplanting a huge lemon bush from my neighbor's yard to mine (what a great gift!) and it occurred to me that many elements are necessary to uproot from the place where you have sprouted and lived for years.

For example, much of the root system of the shrub is disturbed or gone because the act of digging it up is tough when it is near a wall. Most of us are near a wall when we decide to move. Plus, for a successful transplant, the top of the plant needs to be removed so that the depth of the root matches the height of the plant. Transplanting anything is shocking to the organism, so to give the plant its best chance to adapt in its new home means cutting it down to a size where it can start again. Uhm... I have to point out the lemons to lemonade reference (groan here).

I have made several moves in my lifetime, 3 were cross country. Whenever I did move, I did an extreme "cutting of the fat" in my life and rid myself of items and things that were not necessary to my life.

Though you may not have the formidable goal of moving anytime soon, take time to notice your root system (people in your life), how you are living, where you are living, to make sure all of these elements are working for you. Every new season gives us a chance to make sure we are thriving - or make the changes necessary to thrive! Happy Spring!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin