Make Your Heart Smile

I was walking with my husband this evening and we were talking about the moment for me that I knew this wasn't just some cute guy, but a man who was really someone worth considering.  He noticed a detail about me that I didn't think many people would - I had a pink (once purple) streak in my then red hair.  He noticed.  Nobody else had even mentioned it!

When a person takes the time to take you in, he is sending you the message that you are important to him.  I was happy to return the favor.  And then the sheer wonderfulness of it scared me to death.  But that's another story. 

To be a good friend to another is, in my opinion, to be present.  Listen.  Ingest thoughts.  Share.  Discuss.  Be.  By doing these simple things, we make life better because we're growing a relationship as we grow self.  Notice if you like to talk or share more than listen, or vice versa.  Sometimes you'll want to be the listener more and sometimes the talker.  Notice if you have the urge to "fix" the other or if you're simply able to listen.  Notice if the other wants your advice or just to be heard.  You can always ask what the other person would like from you if you're not clear.

Cultivate your friendships, my friend.  They're worth their weight in gold!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Baby! Should We Have A Baby?

Is a career in the theatre or acting really a good match to becoming a parent?  Cost of living is high, stress is high, and auditions happen often with less than 24 hours notice.  Does an actor have to choose to act or to parent?  Some would agree to succeed you cannot have a family and others would not.  You have to decide you want a family and then go from there. 

If you choose to have a family, the bottom line seems to be your support system; create or have in place people who you can go to for help.  Now, this does not mean that you have to live next to your family, though that is a rather ideal situation for most people.  What you can do is create a co-op of other friends who are artists or new parents in your area and hope you can be mutually supportive for each other on a variety of fronts.  Going through pregnancy, the medical ins and outs of childbirth, to breast feed or not, babysitting, and the millions of decisions that can overwhelm new parents.  Everything is easier if you do it with other people.

As I evolve my lifestyle with my husband, I continually have to think outside the box to create what I need when it comes to the idea of starting a family.  The way I do this is examine what I desire as the result and determine a variety of options that would lead to the result.  Los Angeles makes this task challenging and possible because many others are in my boat.

Every decision has a consequence.  Will being a parent make me a better person?  I believe it will. Being a mom is something I would love!  I am lucky enough to believe firmly that my husband will be a phenomenal father.  Do I think parenting is hard?  Hah!  It's the hardest thing a person will have to do.  I'm up for the challenge!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Movement... Duh. Uhm... What Is It?

Movement is a type of therapy that is also one of the three pedagogues of actor training, the other two being acting and voice training.  Movement is used to help the body become more free.  For example, if a person has slumped shoulders with her head jutting forward, she will not be able to play royalty until she creates the option of upright posture.  Often, habituated patterns do not allow for the body to simply spring up and be upright if the pattern of slumping has been in the body for a long time.

What do you DO? 

First, I like to understand your goals and what you want to address.
  Past clients goals:

• behavior awareness to succeed in the workplace
• opening of the body because of limited posture (like the example of slumped shoulders)
• increased breath capacity
• fuller range of motion throughout the body
• enjoyment of each area of the body rather than disliking one (belly, legs, arms, etc.)
• to decrease anxiety

What might we do as experiments in the session?  Second, applied learning might include:

• behavior examination and practice
• guided relaxation or imagery
• gentle range of motion exploration with all moving parts
• sensory awareness experiments
• passive and active stretching
• mask work (so you use your body to communicate rather than face)
• field trip to mall to observe and discuss behavior

If you would like to try Movement, which I call Moment Awareness Development, I am offering a workshop on Saturday May 15 from 9:30am -1pm in Altadena.  If you would like more information, please visit my website www.BodybyHeather.com.  Class size is limited.  Cost is $30 - space will not be reserved until payment is made.  Or feel free to email me or call me at 626-421-6296.

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

 

Getting Older Means Loss is Inevitable

When I was growing up, my best friend lived two blocks away from me.   I could call her last minute to hang out, go see a movie, or whatever.  We found ways to make everything tolerable through laughter and hanging out.  As an adult, I still want to believe that friendship can be in this form... it cannot.

Being an adult includes responsibilities like running a household, running a business, having a job, paying bills, and creating a structure to successfully manage all of these things.  That means I now have to set a time to hang out with friends - sometimes weeks out from the date - only to be disappointed because something comes up last minute (like an audition) to foil our best laid plans.

A wise woman pointed out to me that instead of focusing on the gap, or the elements I would like to have in my life, I should focus on the things I DO have in my life.  Friends don't come along every day, but I also can't force a friendship to be something I have shared with an amazing woman whom I've known since kindergarten.  History cannot be forced.  Nor can chemistry be forced.  Much the same as romantic relationships, a person cannot force love to appear.  If it comes, it comes.

I may not be thrilled with the idea that I cannot have a girlfriend I can call up anytime who will jump to hang out and chat - but I can save up to travel to meet my girlfriends at their home or at a destination of our choosing.  Since I know I want to reconnect with my friends - I will make it happen on my terms.  It's the adult thing to do!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Relationships. Does it all come back to Family?

Most psychologists agree that family is a human's core relationship system, and is the most profound and long reaching you can have in your life.  These relationships occur pre-verbally.  Consequently, met and unmet needs you have from these relationships go on to inform the rest of your life.  However, that does not mean you cannot create awareness around these patterns, how they affect you, and work on your ability to change them.

The most direct way to learn about these patterns, so that you can begin to address and practice changing your reactions, is in a group.  Most commonly, group therapy is ideal for this very reason.  Private therapy or one on one is amazing, but it focuses only on you and does not put you in direct relationship with other people as does group therapy.  For this reason, group therapy is reputed to be more effective than one on one therapy.

Family constellation work, introduced by Adler,  may also be a tool that your group uses.  Basically this works by using group members to play members of your family - sometimes beginning as a family portrait.  Through seeing your family this way and how you see yourself within that unit, you can more clearly determine how you participate in relationships, then and now. 

Regardless of embedded patterns of how a person operates, through awareness, courage, tenacity, and work, a person can evolve the creation of alternate choices in behavior that do result in happiness: in self and in relationships.

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Silence Can Nurture

Do you remember the deafening silence when the electricity goes out?  The first time I experienced the power going out, I was startled by how quiet the world seemed.  I loved it!  I didn't hear any subtle high pitched noises, no whirring, and no humming.  And then I noticed something else, my nervous system settled and I felt a calmness I didn't know existed.  I feel confident this is why I like to go into the woods and listen.

Think about it!  We have so many gadgets that plug in and make noise: computers, phones, televisions, stereos, refrigerators, microwaves, printers, faxes, fountains, air purifiers, central heat and air... the list is endless!  I'm grateful for these conveniences, and they have a presence that makes noise.  Plus, cars rumble; some more than others.  One of the reasons I purchased my Prius is for the silence and stillness I can enjoy when the gas engine disengages.  Heaven!

To cultivate silence and stillness in your life, you might try going swimming and go underwater.  There you have the double benefit of simulating prenatal experience with pure silence.  If you don't have a pool, a bath tub (and I add plenty of suds) will do.  

True silence is the rest of the mind; 

it is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, 

nourishment and refreshment.  

~William Penn

Silence is the true friend that never betrays.  

~Confucius

Silence is a source of great strength.  

~Lao Tzu 

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin 

Life Happens

I swear I'm not going to go on about my cat in this blog.  I am, however, going to share with you that life and work can intermingle.  I was up for a gig testing a skin care product that I really believe in, and I couldn't make it to the audition because of the things going on with my cat.  I prepared myself for ridicule from the casting director and was pleasantly surprised to find support.

You see, we all have lives that keep going whether or not we pursue careers.  This CD had, in fact, lost a dear creature not that long ago and could appreciate my situation.  Plus, my puffy eyes would not make for a good skin care representative. 

The bottom line is I learned I can be honest about my life and still have support.  I realize this, too, was a gift from my fuzzy love - his parting gift.  Loving is not something to apologize for, it's something to celebrate.

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

How Do You Want to BE?

As I wait to pick up my fuzzy love from the vet, I am pondering the things I most enjoy in life.  Some people do not value pets, and that's fine for them.  I, however, love a fuzzy creature sharing my home and looking at me with both curiosity and love.  His little purring sounds of pleasure remind me how simple giving and touch can be soothing and appreciated.  Plus, when he jumps up onto anything, he makes this trilling sound announcing his action - which cracks me up.  Stinky will also make that sound when we're walking by him to make sure we don't step on him.  He's learned to help us humans who do not always look where we step to NOT step on him.

All of that got me thinking about how I exist in the world and my choices around how I encourage other people to interact with me, how I go about letting other people know I'm in the room, and how I show other people appreciation.  I don't think I'll be rubbing up against colleagues or friends soon in affection, but I do enjoy hugging my friends or shaking hands if they're not "huggy" people. 

Many friends might be surprised to realize I'm actually an introvert - which means lots of time in a room with lots of people is not my preferred way to be.  When I'm in that position, I'm great at connecting with people - and it wears me out.  I prefer one on one or small groups so I can easily feel included and include others in companionship.

My favorite way to show appreciation to people is giving my friends things from my garden.  I love gifting people with oranges, flowers, lavender, rosemary, mint, French sorrel, and whatever else the earth is gifting me.  Sharing like that makes me feel like I am personally contributing to my friends sensual pleasure as well as nurturing through nutrition.  If you don't know what you do, think of your favorite gifts (can even be cards or words!) that someone has given you in thanks.  You might consider adopting that idea and practicing it in your own life!  Have a great day!!!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Imaginairy Friend

Are there times when you feel like you're not alone?  When you were a kid, did you have an imaginary friend or spirit or something that you knew was there, but you didn't have words for it?  Do you feel like you have entities around you every now and then?  If you do, you're not alone - (forgive the double meaning) many people have this sensation.

Some people feel like a loved one who is no longer in our physical world shows up every now and then.  Some people feel like God or Jesus walk with them.  Some people feel like ancestors visit with them.  And some people are simply creeped out that they feel like someone's there but not in a physical form.

I can only tell you that when I was in college my grandmother passed away.  She lived one block from me my whole life when I was growing up, so she was always around.  She wore a charm bracelet that made a tinckling sound that I loved!  She also wore a perfume that was totally her.  One day walking back to my soroity in college, I heard that bracelet and smelled her perfume.  It filled me with joy and I talked to her.  I couldn't hear anything she said (if she spoke), but I could most certainly feel her presence.

That is not the singular experience I've had along those lines, but it is one of the strongest I recall.  I don't know what I believe about after-life or heaven or hell or angels or whatnot, but I can tell you that when my loved ones visit, they seem happy and their visit thrills me.

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Need A Good Cry?

There are times when I just want to watch a movie or play and be moved.  As an actor, the layers of the performance and my belief in the actors' portrayal of the story both have to combine to move me.

My top 9 list of movies that will move you:

1. Color Purple 
2. Cranford
3. Finding Nemo
4. Sense and Sensibility
5. The Carol Burnett Show(laugh and cry)
6. It's A Wonderful Life
7. Lars and The Real Girl
8. Good Will Hunting 
9. Rudy

Some of these performances touch me more deeply than others, but all have amazing relationships in them that break my heart or make me guffaw.

Get your popcorn ready and cozy up on your couch.  It's going to be a great movie night!!!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin