Are You Where You Want to Be?

I was lucky enough to grow up in the same house with many of the same friends in the same community - and I liked those people and that place.  Not everyone has this experience.  Now, as an adult, I'm the only one of the three children who has moved to live in other parts of the United States who has yet to return to Chicago to live permanently - and I don't think I will be doing that in the future (near or far).

So what questions do I ask myself to make sure I'm in the right place?

• When I wake up, am I glad to be here?
• Do I have access to the things I love to do here?
• Does my home feel serene to me?
• Do I have enough friends who I can call in need who I feel would come running?
• Do people in my community value what I do?
• Do I feel a part of a community?
• Is there somewhere else I think I would be happier?

The last question is a trick question.  I think it's always easy to fantasize about places as you would like for them to be rather than as they are.  However, without asking this question along with the others, I don't think I would be as happy as I am (minus traffic - GUH), nor would I be as clear about the elements I love in my life so I can be sure to incorporate those things throughout my life.

How's your life going?

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Relationships. Does it all come back to Family?

Most psychologists agree that family is a human's core relationship system, and is the most profound and long reaching you can have in your life.  These relationships occur pre-verbally.  Consequently, met and unmet needs you have from these relationships go on to inform the rest of your life.  However, that does not mean you cannot create awareness around these patterns, how they affect you, and work on your ability to change them.

The most direct way to learn about these patterns, so that you can begin to address and practice changing your reactions, is in a group.  Most commonly, group therapy is ideal for this very reason.  Private therapy or one on one is amazing, but it focuses only on you and does not put you in direct relationship with other people as does group therapy.  For this reason, group therapy is reputed to be more effective than one on one therapy.

Family constellation work, introduced by Adler,  may also be a tool that your group uses.  Basically this works by using group members to play members of your family - sometimes beginning as a family portrait.  Through seeing your family this way and how you see yourself within that unit, you can more clearly determine how you participate in relationships, then and now. 

Regardless of embedded patterns of how a person operates, through awareness, courage, tenacity, and work, a person can evolve the creation of alternate choices in behavior that do result in happiness: in self and in relationships.

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Life Happens

I swear I'm not going to go on about my cat in this blog.  I am, however, going to share with you that life and work can intermingle.  I was up for a gig testing a skin care product that I really believe in, and I couldn't make it to the audition because of the things going on with my cat.  I prepared myself for ridicule from the casting director and was pleasantly surprised to find support.

You see, we all have lives that keep going whether or not we pursue careers.  This CD had, in fact, lost a dear creature not that long ago and could appreciate my situation.  Plus, my puffy eyes would not make for a good skin care representative. 

The bottom line is I learned I can be honest about my life and still have support.  I realize this, too, was a gift from my fuzzy love - his parting gift.  Loving is not something to apologize for, it's something to celebrate.

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

How Do You Want to BE?

As I wait to pick up my fuzzy love from the vet, I am pondering the things I most enjoy in life.  Some people do not value pets, and that's fine for them.  I, however, love a fuzzy creature sharing my home and looking at me with both curiosity and love.  His little purring sounds of pleasure remind me how simple giving and touch can be soothing and appreciated.  Plus, when he jumps up onto anything, he makes this trilling sound announcing his action - which cracks me up.  Stinky will also make that sound when we're walking by him to make sure we don't step on him.  He's learned to help us humans who do not always look where we step to NOT step on him.

All of that got me thinking about how I exist in the world and my choices around how I encourage other people to interact with me, how I go about letting other people know I'm in the room, and how I show other people appreciation.  I don't think I'll be rubbing up against colleagues or friends soon in affection, but I do enjoy hugging my friends or shaking hands if they're not "huggy" people. 

Many friends might be surprised to realize I'm actually an introvert - which means lots of time in a room with lots of people is not my preferred way to be.  When I'm in that position, I'm great at connecting with people - and it wears me out.  I prefer one on one or small groups so I can easily feel included and include others in companionship.

My favorite way to show appreciation to people is giving my friends things from my garden.  I love gifting people with oranges, flowers, lavender, rosemary, mint, French sorrel, and whatever else the earth is gifting me.  Sharing like that makes me feel like I am personally contributing to my friends sensual pleasure as well as nurturing through nutrition.  If you don't know what you do, think of your favorite gifts (can even be cards or words!) that someone has given you in thanks.  You might consider adopting that idea and practicing it in your own life!  Have a great day!!!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Easter Addendum

Well, folks, my ingrained fear of organized religion made for an interesting morning.  I did, in fact, attend a new local church with my husband.  It was fine - no one condemned other faiths and the sermon was not pilled up in a pedantic frenzy with bows.  Thank God.

My patient husband and I walked to church.  Walking helped dissipate some of the unease in my stomach.  I was bracing for the waves of guilt that would be inflicted upon me by others - they would magically see I had not been to church in a LONG time.  (I have an active imagination that does not always serve me kindly).  People were welcoming; it was a small congregation.  I just didn't feel at home.  But I never feel at home in a church presently.  I'm working on that.

You see, I'm aware that though I yearn for spiritual support and community, I have deep rooted animosity toward organized religion.  My family has wielded religion (loosely veiled judgment) against me in the past, friends have used it as a shield of morality when attacking others unlike them, and I have used it against myself to prove to myself how unworthy I am to call myself a good person.  Now, these are rare circumstances, but they leave a bad taste in my mouth.

As I ready myself to host friends on this celebrated and holy day of hope and rebirth, I am looking at what is important to me in this day.  I can choose to work through the challenges that will be with me forever (and give myself a break), or I can run from the areas of my life that challenge me.  No coward here, I face the fear.  With my friends and family, who are all imperfect like me, we can weather the storms with love and compassion.  Happy Easter!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Find Your Voice

As I get older, I am continually surprised at how much I still have to learn about myself.  I have years of training in the body, how the body relates to the mind, sensation work, voice work, applied bodywork, physiology, anatomy, and tapping into my reservoir of feelings.  And still, an avenue filled with gems is work with the voice.

The voice work that inspires me viscerally is Roy Hart work.  I would suggest a foundation of breath work (Berry, Linklater, Fitzmaurice) prior to this type of work.  In RH work, they often use a piano to play notes and the RH instructor leads the class in vocal quality.  For example, if the instructor is looking for light and thin notes that are also high pitch, we might work with the word "violin" to carry the tone.  To be clear, the sound quality is not the goal.  In other words, the Hart people are not after helping someone sing "pretty," but rather tap into the sounds each body/soul can express.  That freedom allows a participant to maximize range and cultivate sound and support in the body.  All people, not just opera singers, want this.

I recall the morning after working with the Roy Hart people the first time, my ribs ached with movement and breath.  I didn't know my ribs could swing that much!  They felt like an accordion - and powerful.  In no other activity had I been able to get my breath to be so big or support for so long - because I was breathing in huge thoughts and could ride the breath and the thought simultaneously. 

Though the voice work I lead is not Roy Hart, I am certainly inspired by the work.  Roy Hart said, "I left (being an actor) in order to go back into the world of non-art or humanity, because I couldn't stand the split between art and humanity."  Well, artists have to be their essential human self to bring life to the characters flaws.  These breathing creatures capture the imagination and heart of self and audience.

Before you can use your voice, you have to find it.  In your own way today, using your voice at the pitch, volume, and duration you decide - call out to someone you love!  They might hear you - even in another state.

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

April Fool's Day... How did it start?

"In 1708 a correspondent wrote in to the British Apollo magazine to ask, “Whence proceeds the custom of making April Fools?” The question is one that many people are still asking today.

The puzzle that April Fool’s Day presents to cultural historians is that it was only during the eighteenth century that detailed references to it (and curiosity about it) began to appear. But at that time, the custom was already well established throughout northern Europe and was regarded as being of great antiquity. How had the tradition been adopted by so many different European cultures without provoking more comments in the written record?

References to April Fool’s Day can be found as early as the 1500s. However, these early references were infrequent and tended to be vague and ambiguous. Shakespeare, writing in the late sixteenth and early seventeenth centuries, made no mention of April Fool’s Day, despite being, as Charles Dickens Jr. put it, a writer who “delights in fools in general.” 

Many theories have been put forward about how the tradition began. Unfortunately, none of them are very compelling. So the origin of the “custom of making April Fools” remains as much a mystery to us as it was back in 1708."

~the above excerpt found on museum of hoaxes

 

Great Books Inspire Hope

When I was leaving for college, the first time I ever moved away from home, a dear friend gifted me with THE ALCHEMIST (shown right).  When I read the back cover, I thought it might be hokey fable in simple language that would be a quick read and I could thank her for it later.  Instead, I was enthralled in a simple story about a boy on a journey, similar to mine, trying to discover who he is and what is important to him.  The book mirrored some of my thoughts which touched me deeply.  

Any dreamer who is on a path would love to read this book.  This is a great gift for the graduating student (of any age)!

Some other great reads of Paulo Coelho include VERONICA DECIDES TO DIE - don't let the name fool you! 

and ELEVEN MINUTES.

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

 

Where's Your Happy Place?

As I get older, I surround myself with things that inspire me. That takes effort, believe me. These elements include people, books, things, plants, -- whatever makes my heart sing. So I started to think about a common thread through these inspirations.

I have a little place inside me that vibrates - sometimes even quivers - when something makes me happy. That happy place is my guide inside my life. If I'm not sure about something, I check in with my happy place.

Ironically, as my husband will attest, there are times when the ferocity of my happy place makes my shy away from the very thing that I'm sure would make me happy. After all, that could mean I would be unhappy after having known such glee, right? Please. There's so much fear stopping us from being happy it's ridiculous! (I'm pointing a finger at myself right now.)

My suggestion? If you don't already know your happy place intimately, spend some time reflecting on the times in your life when you almost came out of your skin because something GREAT happened to you. Then think about the elements that event has for you. If you can pick your top five and commonalities, you're going to find out things about yourself that might surprise you. Happy hunting!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."

Eleanor Roosevelt spoke to the heart of every dreamer with her quote above. How often are we encouraged to intermingle practicality with our dreams?

Can an actor really be a great actor if she is wondering how she's going to pay for her next meal? Sadly, artists of most genres are not valued in our culture. As evidenced by the National Endowment for the Arts becoming more of a figurehead than a grant-giving institution as well as our schools cutting arts programs. *sigh* These schools are creating tomorrow's leaders.

I firmly believe that giving people, young and old, the power to creatively express helps people find a voice to articulate their experiences -- which increases happiness because we feel heard. We often don't have words to communicate the state of mind we're in, so we say things like "blah." If big feelings don't have words, creative expression allows that feeling to be recognized and diffused just by sitting with the feeling for a while.

If you're having big feelings that seem all bottled up, get a cheap paint brush and some water and find the nearest concrete, then water-paint. I used to do this as a child and never knew it is also used for expression therapy. If you want to one-up that, go get some inexpensive water colors and some paper and see what you come up with.

Your dream and future may require a sprinkle of practicality, do it with fervor!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Mary Oliver is an Inspiration to Me

Mary Oliver has a gift with words. This Pulitzer Prize winner and her dog are captured in a quiet moment to the right.

Following is a great poem of Ms. Oliver's:

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

~Mary Oliver

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Working Too Hard

In this society that rewards over-achievers and people who sacrifice personal lives, when do people get to rest? When I moved to L.A., I was thrilled by the vast and rich resources here including experts in almost any field, artists of all ilks, and a melting pot of cultures and generations. I must admit, though I grew up in Chicago, the last place I lived was a rural town in Ohio. That sweet small town did not boast much diversity... of anything.

However, I did learn something of a gift in Ohio. Though I did not enjoy the ability to learn from masters, have throngs of friends, or wonder continually "where did the time go?", I did have solitude to contemplate my life. I lived there two years and it felt like 10 - but I never felt my life was flying before my eyes. I actually joked with my husband the other day that we should visit Ohio because it always felt like time stood still there -- because we both need a rest.

So what is it about L.A. versus Ohio that makes time seem so different? Commuting to anything in L.A. requires a commitment of time and energy. Driving, well - wading through traffic - is not usually my favorite part of the day. Yesterday alone I heard two T-bone thumps of accidents in the span of 20 minutes.

The biggest problem I see with living in Los Angeles (drum roll) is all the opportunity inspires me to over-commit, and then I struggle to get it all done. My tendency to over-commit has led to multiple migraines headaches, restless nights of sleeping, nightmares, tension, and occasionally bitchy behavior.

What are the options? DO LESS. Pick the things you love to do, promise yourself a solitude date where you don't do ANYTHING for at least a few hours of every week (aside from one FULL DAY OFF), and start telling people NO. When life isn't fun, revive the important and joyful things! Your life is made up of moments; are you creating the moments you will cherish?

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Transplant to L.A.

Yesterday I was transplanting a huge lemon bush from my neighbor's yard to mine (what a great gift!) and it occurred to me that many elements are necessary to uproot from the place where you have sprouted and lived for years.

For example, much of the root system of the shrub is disturbed or gone because the act of digging it up is tough when it is near a wall. Most of us are near a wall when we decide to move. Plus, for a successful transplant, the top of the plant needs to be removed so that the depth of the root matches the height of the plant. Transplanting anything is shocking to the organism, so to give the plant its best chance to adapt in its new home means cutting it down to a size where it can start again. Uhm... I have to point out the lemons to lemonade reference (groan here).

I have made several moves in my lifetime, 3 were cross country. Whenever I did move, I did an extreme "cutting of the fat" in my life and rid myself of items and things that were not necessary to my life.

Though you may not have the formidable goal of moving anytime soon, take time to notice your root system (people in your life), how you are living, where you are living, to make sure all of these elements are working for you. Every new season gives us a chance to make sure we are thriving - or make the changes necessary to thrive! Happy Spring!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Family Matters

You can't regrow a family, much as we dream about it when we're young. In spite of miscommunications and hurt feelings that all relationships have, your family is yours for better or worse.

You don't have to like your family. Heck, you may not even choose to have them in your life. Or you may talk to one or more of your family every day and they may be the most consistent people in your life! Family defines who we are, the roles we play professionally and personally, and instill in us our self-worth.

If you have a great family - do something a little extra special for them today. If you have struggles with your family, do one activity today and dedicate it to growing love and tolerance in your family. Either way, the time you spend will increase love in your life.

And if your family is no longer in the physical realm, creating your own family whom you choose is a worthy and wonderful endeavor.

Family matters.

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin