Hum

Today, when you are faced with doing something you may not want to do, I encourage you to hum and see if that makes any difference in your outlook on your task.  Sometimes when we have a perception, holding that perception while trying to shift it can actually work.

Let me know which tune you use! 

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Constipation... more than one way!!!

Okay, so we all know that when we're putting into something and nothing's coming out, that's a loose definition of constipation.  When it's a lack of bodily function, we ingest acidophilus, eat roughage, and exercise to move it on through.  But what about when your life feels like you're putting all your energy into it and you're not getting out the same amount of energy?

Well, that could mean many things.  First, you have to diagnose the problem.  Is the thing you're working on really good for you?  What I mean is, sometimes we find causes that are just that: a cause.  It's usually altruism in some form that draws you to the expending of energy, and you might actually believe that you will get more than a good feeling out of your participation.  If you're working with others who don't seem to share your enthusiasm, the constipation quotient can be high.  Perhaps it's time to find another cause.

But what if it's you trying to find another job or some such endeavor?  Well, that's a different story.  I'm sure you're sick of hearing "it's a bad time in our economy."  There are still jobs out there, and more openings every day.  Many people believe that if you're following your passions, AND you have talents within your passions, an opportunity will come along.    Patience is not something I have in spades, so I understand the itchiness on this one.  Making a shift in life is not a small feat.  Sometimes you have to clear out other areas of your life so that you're ready.  I can't tell you what those areas are, you'll just have to go by your own instinct.

Bottom line:  if you're not getting what you want, figure out a myriad of ways to get there.  There is more than one road on this journey we call life!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Big Changes... Want One?

I took a few days off because I have been under the weather.  That rest I was talking about on Monday?  Well, I needed it.  After a few days of nausea and resting, I'm feeling better. 

While I was resting, I was thinking about how people can decide to change or not.  I thought about if there's anything in my life I'd like to change... and, yes, there is a biggie: my relationship to money.  When I get stressed, I want to hold tight to the perception of security that I place in money.  I'm perfectly aware that my need is an illusion, but I hold fast to it. So what can I do to bust through my unnecessary perception?  Since knowing the facts intellectually don't seem to help change my point of view, perhaps a faith in the universe might.

The truth of the matter is I have many people in my life who will support me and help me if I really need it.  To date in my life, I've not really needed to take advantage of that kind of support.  Which tells me two things: my worry is not based in historically accurate behavior, and I'm lucky to have people who I can count on in my life.

I encourage you to take a look at anything in your life that you'd like to change - from all angles.  Sometimes even the looking at it can help you begin the evolution to where you want to be!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Territorial Irritation

Do you ever have one of those days when people seems to be everywhere you don't want them to be?  Today I came home and two young women were walking on my grass and hanging out in front of my house - and they didn't have a car parked in front of my house to signal why they would be there.

So I did what any nosey and territorial person does, I went out and asked if they were okay.  I didn't want to know that, I really wanted to know what they were doing in front of my house.  They didn't make eye contact, were belligerent, and did not seem to be associated with anyone in the neighborhood.  Punks.  Female punks. It's time for a fence.

Do you ever have days where other people's point of view just makes you a little nuts?  Sometimes they may act entitled or just odd enough that it's hard to grasp their rationalization of behavior.  *sigh*  Well, I just have to scratch my head and chalk it up to different strokes - or move to a cabin in the woods! 

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

What's Your Communication Style?

There are abundant resources out there that will help you determine how you communicate and exist in the world with the hopes of your discovering others who are like you.  Categories, such as in the Myers-Briggs test adapted from Jung (pictured right), are such tests that can be fun to take and interesting to ponder.

This test is general and covers your personality style, your communication style, your outlook style, and your family style (not in that order).  The idea is that by knowing where you fit, you're better able to know your strengths and to put yourself in the ideal situation to succeed.  Plus, if you choose to align yourself with people who are in the same category, your communication styles will align to support you both in success.

The Personality formulas are:

• Extroversion - Introversion
• Sensing - Intuition
• Thinking - Feeling
• Judging - Perceiving

As it happens, I am an INFJ.  There are supposedly less that 2% of us hanging around in society, which makes me feel pretty special.  What that translates to is I'm an introvert who is intuitive, aware of my feelings but not often overwhelmed by them (and aware of others feelings), while having a great ability to organize the ideas and spaces I have.  Yep, that's me!

What are you?  Take the test!  (One link is above).  Let me know!

Own Your Baggage

When I was in high school in the suburbs of Chicago, a few friends and I started a self-esteem and drug awareness weekend at our high school called Operation Snowball.  My best friend and I joked around that we had been asked to go to the "druggie camp."  We had no idea what to expect!  When we had a great time, it was a total surprise.

We were sent by the faculty to create the weekend retreats at the high school.  We slept over in the gym and had small groups lead by students and faculty together.  At the summer camp (called Illinois Teen Institure), we were given lectures on feelings, how to express feelings in a way that allowed others to hear the feelings more easily, and we also talked about things that were important to us.

Learning how to communicate big feelings around sensitive subjects is a gift that still serves me today.   The simple form of communication they taught was, "when you do ________________, I feel _____________."  Now, as a Ph.D. student in somatic psychology, I have learned more refined skills that help keep the focus on the behavior that riles me up, own my reaction, and options that could happen in the future to avoid me getting riled up.  That might look something like, "Wow.  I'm noticing that as we're talking about building the deck that I'm getting wound up because we're both putting in ideas, but I'm not feeling heard.  I wonder if it would be alright if we stepped back for a minute and took a breath."  Later, my husband and I decided that we are not to tackle outdoor jobs because he hates it, which makes him uncharacteristically irritable.  Plus, he has mucho baggage from childhood about yard work and I get really crabby when I don't feel heard.

When you're getting riled up, I encourage you to look at what's really bothering you, name any behaviors (to yourself) that might be instigating your irritation, how you can ask those around you to help you make the situation exist in a way that makes you comfortable, and breathe.  Then let your needs be known - and always own your part in the challenging situation.  The element that's getting you miffed is always inside you.  By embracing the fact that you're agitated, you can investigate the trigger in order to minimize the yucky feelings.  Feelings make us humans; communication makes us happy.

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Monring Rituals

Morning is a time where we begin a new day.  Most of us have a routine we do most days like take a shower and have a cup of coffee or tea.  Some of us like to eat breakfast.  Sometimes Sunday is the special day where a larger breakfast complete with sausages or bacon, a personal weakness, and eggs are involved.  I know I'm really feisty if I'm into French Toast.  Yum - so good!

Ritual is different than routine in that it helps you center for the day, at least that's how I see it.  So what do you do to center yourself each day?  For me, a steaming cup of chai or coffee or tea is my heaven.  I sit quietly and contemplate the things I have to do.  If I'm lucky, my husband will have time to share his coffee sitting time with me and we both share our thoughts for the day.

Another ritual I enjoy is we have a window in our bathroom so when I'm showering, I can look out onto my garden or up into the trees.  So lovely.

Whatever you do in the morning, I encourage you to take a moment - even if you don't think you have one - to appreciate the things you have today.  Have a great day!!!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Feeling Stuck?

Living in an urban environment like Los Angeles can take its toll.  Five years is the estimated average of how long a person needs to live here before L.A. can feel like home.  That's true of most places.  So what do you do if you're feeling stuck here?

When I'm feeling stuck, I love to get out and be in nature.  Sometimes I walk, sometimes I hike, sometimes I drive or fly to a place that makes me happy.  When I'm in nature, I'm not so overwhelmed by the everyday things that are eating at me.  I stop obsessing about this and that and simply breathe.

If you're not an outdoorsy type, I would suggest turning off all the electronics in your home and either sitting on your bed or the floor in a quiet place, closing your eyes, and noticing all of the sounds you hear (not to change them, just notice them).  Then you can try for all the aromas you smell.   And if you're feeling rather adventurous, keep your eyes closed, stay on the floor, and slowly explore your space.  Do not move quickly enough that you might hurt yourself.

If that doesn't work, hug therapy might be an ideal option.  Or a massage or healing session!  Every try attending a crystal sound bath?  Touch and sound heals!

After your mini get-a-way, check in with yourself and see how you feel now.  Better?  I thought so!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Make Your Heart Smile

I was walking with my husband this evening and we were talking about the moment for me that I knew this wasn't just some cute guy, but a man who was really someone worth considering.  He noticed a detail about me that I didn't think many people would - I had a pink (once purple) streak in my then red hair.  He noticed.  Nobody else had even mentioned it!

When a person takes the time to take you in, he is sending you the message that you are important to him.  I was happy to return the favor.  And then the sheer wonderfulness of it scared me to death.  But that's another story. 

To be a good friend to another is, in my opinion, to be present.  Listen.  Ingest thoughts.  Share.  Discuss.  Be.  By doing these simple things, we make life better because we're growing a relationship as we grow self.  Notice if you like to talk or share more than listen, or vice versa.  Sometimes you'll want to be the listener more and sometimes the talker.  Notice if you have the urge to "fix" the other or if you're simply able to listen.  Notice if the other wants your advice or just to be heard.  You can always ask what the other person would like from you if you're not clear.

Cultivate your friendships, my friend.  They're worth their weight in gold!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Ruiz's Four Agreements. Can you make one?

Don Miquel Ruiz wrote The Four Agreements back in 2001 and it became a smash hit.  This tiny book is a great read and it's message is simple to comprehend.  Follow four agreements and your life will be better. 

1. Be Impeccable with your word. This means avoid lies, gossip, and say what you mean.  Doing harm to others can take many forms and always results in hurting the self.
2. Don't take anything personally.  95% percent of what is spoken to you has more to do with the person speaking than your effect on that person.  
3. Avoid Assumptions.  Many people assume what another is thinking without asking that person.  That creates anxiety and difficulty when it could have easily been avoided.
4. Always do your best.  Live in integrity; in every moment you can choose to put your best foot forward.  This way you will have no regrets at the end of your life.

This book offered me a way of thinking that I try to continually practice and already believe.  If you're interested in learning more, you can click on the book to the right and purchase one - OR go to your library and check the book out. 

Do you have agreements with yourself in your life?

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Plants Clear the Air

Plants.  Are they just for nurturers and green thumbs?  Some relationship experts like Patti Stanger, CEO of the Milliionaire's Club, believe if a person does not tend to something like a plant or an animal over time, the person's ability to tend to a relationship can be questionable.  This is not to say that if you kill your plants, you kill your relationships - some people just are not good at reading plants. 

When I flew out to California to meet up with my now husband, I looked around his apartment and noticed he had NO plants.  Feng Shui was not in his vocabulary.  Now, this is a man who would over-commit and cram meetings or events in every available moment of his life.  Because he also suffers from allergies and has an extreme sensitivity to airborne irritants, I gifted him with two plants that are very clear when they need water - because they droop.  Ideally, they don't get to the drooping stage, but hey, nobody's perfect.

Plants help clear the air.   So which are great houseplants that communicate?


"Commonly used in shopping malls and office buildings because of the low level of care it requires, the Pothos is a vibrant, green plant, often with white and yellow variegation. It will tolerate low light and irregular watering. More plants can easily be grown from its cuttings." (read more)

"As far as watering is concerned, Peace Lilies prefer an evenly moist soil. Most people find that they can water their plants once a week, depending of course on light and temperature conditions. At lower light levels or cooler temperatures, any plant will use less water than when it is more actively growing. Use room temperature water. Soil should never be soggy, and plants should never stand in a saucer filled with water.  Peace Lilies do exhibit a sensitivity to chlorine in the water, so in metropolitan areas where it may be heavily chlorinated, it's best to allow the water to stand overnight to allow the chlorine to dissipate before watering the plants." (read more)

You may not grow an indoor garden, but these two plants are a great start.  They are often sold in supermarkets.  Give it a go!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Guilty Pleasures

I like to think of myself as an intelligent, focused, and successful woman.  So guilty pleasures don't always fit in my model of who I think I should be.  For the sake of this argument, I'm defining a guilty pleasure as something that I would not offer as information to someone whom I have just met.  For some people, they love pro wrestling, for others tabloids, and others love video games.  Who says these things are wrong if you love to do them?

The truth?  I LOVE romance novels!!!  There I said it. I love the formula of girl meets boy, boy annoys and intrigues girl, conflict ensues, and they triumph together.  I don't have to wonder if I'm going to feel good at the end of the story - I know I'll feel good.

When I'm stressed or I am facing a big life transition, my go to is romance novels.  These novels calm me down and get me out of my own story.  I get to think about people who often fear love but decide to fall nevertheless.  My favorite trilogy of all time is Nora Roberts Three Sisters Island Trilogy.  Now, I happen to enjoy magic and the idea of it.  If you have a problem with it (you were against reading Harry Potter) don't even think about reading this trilogy.  If you do enjoy a little magic and romance, you can thank me later.

Let me know what you think!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Thinking Creates Action

Do you ever hear in your head the judge who is trying to stop you from succeeding?  A great teacher, Alexandra Billings, calls them your parrots.  These are the collected voices from your past that haunt you when you are making decisions, small or large, that include risk.  Well, life is a risky business.

I'm sure there are many wonderful books out there that inspire people.  However, the only one that I've been told to read from people in my life who

• I admire
• have created success for themselves (CEO/Owner of company, Artisitic Director and phenomenal actor)
• I consider to be inspirational

all suggested reading  Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill.  It's a small book and easy to read.

You don't have to, but it will give those damn parrots something to chew on!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Laughing Matters

There are times that I just need to laugh.  I'm hoping you agree with me that levity sure does make life easier - and creates memories that last for years!  Do you have a great laughter filled memory where you laughed so hard you couldn't catch your breath?

I remember times like these and they often become inside jokes.  For example, a very wonderful and dear friend of mine and I were going to a wedding of another friend.  As we drove from the city to the suburbs, we spotted a hot man driving a car (we were both single), so we were playfully trying to catch up with him.  When we did, he was picking his nose.  That started the hilarity - but that's not where it ended.  It turns out, when we happened to catch up with him again, that we knew him! He was also attending the wedding because he was a great friend of the groom whom we had known for years.  Plus, my friend had had a crush on him over a decade prior.  Awesome!  The profile didn't give him away, and the nose picking was very distracting.  We almost had to pull over from laughing so hard.  Later that night, we joked often about "digging for gold" and couldn't stop the giggles.

Real moments with surprises are often what make me laugh - and I love to laugh.  May your day be filled with many real moments, delightful surprises, and tear-filled laughter!!!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Getting Older Means Loss is Inevitable

When I was growing up, my best friend lived two blocks away from me.   I could call her last minute to hang out, go see a movie, or whatever.  We found ways to make everything tolerable through laughter and hanging out.  As an adult, I still want to believe that friendship can be in this form... it cannot.

Being an adult includes responsibilities like running a household, running a business, having a job, paying bills, and creating a structure to successfully manage all of these things.  That means I now have to set a time to hang out with friends - sometimes weeks out from the date - only to be disappointed because something comes up last minute (like an audition) to foil our best laid plans.

A wise woman pointed out to me that instead of focusing on the gap, or the elements I would like to have in my life, I should focus on the things I DO have in my life.  Friends don't come along every day, but I also can't force a friendship to be something I have shared with an amazing woman whom I've known since kindergarten.  History cannot be forced.  Nor can chemistry be forced.  Much the same as romantic relationships, a person cannot force love to appear.  If it comes, it comes.

I may not be thrilled with the idea that I cannot have a girlfriend I can call up anytime who will jump to hang out and chat - but I can save up to travel to meet my girlfriends at their home or at a destination of our choosing.  Since I know I want to reconnect with my friends - I will make it happen on my terms.  It's the adult thing to do!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Relationships. Does it all come back to Family?

Most psychologists agree that family is a human's core relationship system, and is the most profound and long reaching you can have in your life.  These relationships occur pre-verbally.  Consequently, met and unmet needs you have from these relationships go on to inform the rest of your life.  However, that does not mean you cannot create awareness around these patterns, how they affect you, and work on your ability to change them.

The most direct way to learn about these patterns, so that you can begin to address and practice changing your reactions, is in a group.  Most commonly, group therapy is ideal for this very reason.  Private therapy or one on one is amazing, but it focuses only on you and does not put you in direct relationship with other people as does group therapy.  For this reason, group therapy is reputed to be more effective than one on one therapy.

Family constellation work, introduced by Adler,  may also be a tool that your group uses.  Basically this works by using group members to play members of your family - sometimes beginning as a family portrait.  Through seeing your family this way and how you see yourself within that unit, you can more clearly determine how you participate in relationships, then and now. 

Regardless of embedded patterns of how a person operates, through awareness, courage, tenacity, and work, a person can evolve the creation of alternate choices in behavior that do result in happiness: in self and in relationships.

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Silence Can Nurture

Do you remember the deafening silence when the electricity goes out?  The first time I experienced the power going out, I was startled by how quiet the world seemed.  I loved it!  I didn't hear any subtle high pitched noises, no whirring, and no humming.  And then I noticed something else, my nervous system settled and I felt a calmness I didn't know existed.  I feel confident this is why I like to go into the woods and listen.

Think about it!  We have so many gadgets that plug in and make noise: computers, phones, televisions, stereos, refrigerators, microwaves, printers, faxes, fountains, air purifiers, central heat and air... the list is endless!  I'm grateful for these conveniences, and they have a presence that makes noise.  Plus, cars rumble; some more than others.  One of the reasons I purchased my Prius is for the silence and stillness I can enjoy when the gas engine disengages.  Heaven!

To cultivate silence and stillness in your life, you might try going swimming and go underwater.  There you have the double benefit of simulating prenatal experience with pure silence.  If you don't have a pool, a bath tub (and I add plenty of suds) will do.  

True silence is the rest of the mind; 

it is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, 

nourishment and refreshment.  

~William Penn

Silence is the true friend that never betrays.  

~Confucius

Silence is a source of great strength.  

~Lao Tzu 

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin 

Mindfulness in L.A.

According to Jonathan Kaplan, Ph.D., mindfulness"can be done without any extraordinary effort. Mindfulness is often mistakenly equated with meditation. This is not surprising. However, meditation is simply a way to practice mindfulness in a structured, dedicated way. It's akin to going to the gym in order to work-out, perhaps. You can get into shape by running around the neighborhood or taking the stairs more often. And, we can train our minds in the same way. We can have a dedicated practice (like a morning meditation session) or cultivate awareness through more informal, contextualized means" like reading something every day that inspires you.

" It encourages us to trust in our own experiences. Mindfulness does not require that you believe anyone or anything; it simply encourages you to notice what's happening. No one is a better expert on your experience in the present moment than you-and the same goes for me. I can't tell you what you're experiencing, and vice versa. If we stand side-by-side, we might share some environmental experiences in that space, like being in an 80 degree room or hearing a siren outside. However, our perceptions and judgments of these experiences are likely to be very different. I might find the room hot and the siren annoying, while you might relish the warmth and extend a blessing to the people responding to an apparent emergency." (Kaplan, 2010).


"(Mindfulness) helps us get over our selves. Within U.S. culture, we spend a lot of time thinking about ourselves. Through the adoption of a mindful perspective, we're better able to recognize our commitments to and connections with the people around us. Particularly in an urban setting, we can't do it alone. We rely on others to make sure that we have electricity, running water, curbside garbage disposal, public transit options, etc. And, I'm willing to bet that you didn't make the shirt you're wearing. For a more detailed treatise on this principle, I'd recommend reading One City by Ethan Nichtern" (Kaplan, 2010).

So, hey!  You've already practiced some mindfulness today by reading this!  Way to be!

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Love is Good - Pass it On!

Universal Love Aspiration
Through the working of Great Compassion in their hearts,
May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness,
May all be free from sorrow and the causes of sorrow;
May all never be separated from the sacred happiness, which is sorrowless;
And may all live in equanimity, Without too much attachment and too much aversion; and live believing in the equality of all that lives.
~Namo Amida Buddha

There are days when I get cut off in traffic or someone says something careless to me that upsets me - or whatever - and I can get fixated on that feeling.  I'd rather just love and let love and treat all as I would my brother or sister.  That point of view that we're all family seriously helps me forgive and move on.

We all have to share this planet.  I don't have to like you all of the time, and you don't have to like me all of the time.  AND it sure helps me enjoy the day if I have compassion for mistakes or human-ness - mixed in with MY human-ness.

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin

Life Happens

I swear I'm not going to go on about my cat in this blog.  I am, however, going to share with you that life and work can intermingle.  I was up for a gig testing a skin care product that I really believe in, and I couldn't make it to the audition because of the things going on with my cat.  I prepared myself for ridicule from the casting director and was pleasantly surprised to find support.

You see, we all have lives that keep going whether or not we pursue careers.  This CD had, in fact, lost a dear creature not that long ago and could appreciate my situation.  Plus, my puffy eyes would not make for a good skin care representative. 

The bottom line is I learned I can be honest about my life and still have support.  I realize this, too, was a gift from my fuzzy love - his parting gift.  Loving is not something to apologize for, it's something to celebrate.

Copyright 2010 Heather Corwin